Five telltale signs your partner is about to have an affair... and how to stop them, by Jax Taylor's marriage therapist

It's horrible to live through, and all too tragically common. When someone you love cheats on you, your world falls apart and your confidence is shattered. Recent statistics show that 15 percent of married women and 25 percent of married men have extramarital affairs, leaving emotional devastation in their wake.

But what if I told you there were ways to spot it coming – and so prevent it?. As a licensed marriage and family therapist for 20 years – best known for helping reality star Jax Taylor with his never-ending issues with women on Bravo's Vanderpump Rules – I see five broad 'infidelity triggers' crop up in my practice again and again.

The reasons for each individual betrayal may be complex and unique, but they often share underlying patterns and similar catalysts, which means you can detect them before they've even happened. Indeed, if you can identify the reasons why your partner might have an affair, and adapt your relationship as a result, you might well be able to avoid the pain of cheating completely. Here's what to watch out for….

Top therapist Elizabeth Winkler (pictured) says she sees five key 'infidelity triggers' crop up again and again. Identify them and you may be able to avoid the pain of an affair all together. 1. They crave sexual attention. Cheating often stems from a need to feel 'seen' and wanted.

Such validation triggers the release of dopamine, the pleasure hormone commonly associated with addictive substances like opioids or cocaine, which also plays a powerful role in sexual dynamics, giving those who cheat a rush that temporarily fills an emotional void.

As with all drugs, however, that feeling eventually wears off – and something more powerful is needed the next time. This cycle of cheating – chasing the 'high' – is common among individuals with narcissistic tendencies, where the external validation they get from sexual attention soothes an inner emptiness.

The pain that drives this cycle can never truly be salved by fleeting sexual affairs, however, and must be confronted head on instead. One female client of mine struggled for years with her husband, who often sought to control the narrative in their marriage and dismissed her feelings when she raised concerns about his behavior.

Whenever she asked about his regular time away or questioned inconsistencies in his stories, he responded with defensiveness and accused her of overreacting. When she finally discovered his infidelity and confronted him, it forced her husband to examine his gaslighting behavior. After acknowledging his need for validation from other women, he began individual therapy, as well as couples work, which allowed him to recognize the void he had been trying to fill.

Treating narcissism can be particularly challenging because those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder often don't see the way they're behaving as wrong. Healing requires them to take responsibility for their actions and explore whether they feel guilt or remorse.

And, remember: if you're the betrayed partner, then setting boundaries and prioritizing your own emotional self-care is also essential. 2. They carry emotional pain from the past. We all carry some level of undigested emotional pain from childhood, a time when we didn't have the capacity to fully feel or heal. But if that trauma was big enough – perhaps your partner experienced neglect or grief at a particularly young age – those unresolved scars can affect adult relationships too.

If you know that your partner experienced a notable trauma in their youth, be aware they may turn to cheating as an adult to help shield themselves from future pain. Think of it as consciously blowing up something good in order to avoid another uncontrolled and painful ending.

One of my clients once confided that he'd been badly neglected by his parents as a child. It left him with an enduring sense of not being 'enough'. That pain drove him to cheat on his partner because, he said, having fallen in love, he'd opened himself up to vulnerability and the chance of being badly hurt again. He needed to regain control.

I often say: the wound is the way. Working through years-old wounds, preferably as a couple, and before they illicit a reckless reaction, is essential. Healing begins with identifying the scars your partner carries. Therapies, such as American psychologist Peter Levine's 'Somatic Experiencing' – which can help individuals release past trauma stored in the body and process deep-seated emotions – can be particularly helpful.

Sometimes cheating is less about desire than self-preservation. The cheater may genuinely care for their partner, but their fear of intimacy creates walls that keep them disconnected. 3. They're emotionally distant. You've likely heard someone say: 'He's emotionally unavailable.' This phrase frequently comes up when discussing infidelity, since cheaters are often described by their partners – and sometimes by the mistress too – as emotionally distant.