Hang them in the Louvre: football tables as works of art | The Knowledge

Plus: clubs making big profits on ageing players and the WSL teams playing each other four times in 13 days. “Magdeburg were top of the 2.Bundesliga on Friday night after 19 games of the season … despite not having won a single home game,” wrote James Plain a couple of weeks ago. “It should have been hung in the Louvre – crowds notwithstanding. But what are the other best examples of tables as works of art?”.

Magdeburg have since dropped to fourth in the 2.Bundesliga. Thankfully they are yet to commit an act of cultural vandalism by winning a home game, so we’re saying this table qualifies as a work of art. Magdeburg are bottom of the home league table with seven points from 10 games and top of the away table with 27 from 11. We’ve picked out a few more tables that would look good in the Louvre, or at least on a cheap cotton T-shirt ….

Eswatini (Women’s) 2021-22: And you thought Liverpool were romping to the Premier League title. Three years ago, Young Buffaloes’ women’s team won all 24 of their league games without conceding a single goal. Sadly there’s no data as to how many shots on target there were against them, or whether they even bothered playing a goalkeeper towards the end. Division One, 1937-38: “I think Manchester City got relegated from the old Division One despite being the league’s top scorers,” writes Frank Lopez.

They did indeed. What makes the story even better – and indicative of City’s propensity for farce before the Abu Dhabi takeover – is that they were also the defending champions. Premier League 1992-93: An old Knowledge favourite here. Norwich City charmed everyone by finishing third in the inaugural Premier League season, yet they ended the season with a negative goal difference. That’s because of various shellackings on the road: 1-7 at Blackburn, 1-4 at Liverpool, 1-5 at Tottenham. By contrast, 16 of Norwich’s 21 wins were by a single goal.

In fact, Norwich were top of the table in mid-January with a goal difference of -1, the same as 16th-placed Middlesbrough. A word, too, for Arsenal, who were the top scorers in 1991-92 and the lowest scorers in 1992-93. They did win both domestic cups, though, so a vague statistical embarrassment didn’t exactly ruin their season. And another word for Leeds, the defending champions who didn’t win a single game away from home. The previous season they’d collected 35 points on the road, culminating in the wild 3-2 win at Sheffield United that ultimately clinched the title, and were top of the away league table. In 1992-93 they managed only 20% of that points total – perhaps because of the new backpass law which meant they could no longer simply give the ball back to John Lukic when under pressure.

Division One 1971-72: On 22 April 1972, Manchester City beat title rivals Derby County 2-0 in their final game of the season. Ordinarily that sentence would end with the phrase “to become champions”. Not on this occasion: at the same time, Liverpool beat Ipswich 2-0 at Anfield. It meant City were in the most unusual position: they’d completed their league season, they were top of the table, yet it was mathematically impossible for them to win the league.

That’s because Derby and Liverpool, both a point behind and with a superior goal average, still had to play each other. Fourth-placed Leeds also had two games to play and a big chance of winning the league. Eventually Derby won the league and City dropped from first to fourth without kicking a ball. Serie B 1991-92: We’ve always had a soft spot for Italian league tables in the 1980s and 1990s, when goals were JFK moments and most games were drawn. Where do you even start with the Serie B table of 1991-92, the last season before the backpass law changed football? Palermo being relegated despite not losing at home is pretty good, as are Ancona’s 15 draws from 19 away games. Oh, six teams contrived to draw at least half of their 38 games.

Serie A 1970-71: When Fiorentina stayed up despite winning only three matches. Saudi Pro League 2016-17: What’s in a name?. Serie A 1978-79: When Perugia went unbeaten all season and still didn’t win the league. Serie B 1984-85: When poor old Perugia failed to achieve promotion despite losing only one game all season. All they had to do was turn two of their 26 draws into wins. Division Two 1973-74: The story of Millwall’s frustrating 1973-74 season is told in Eamon Dunphy’s marvellous diary, Only a Game? Millwall had hopes of promotion to the top flight but ended up drifting in mid-table. It was a disappointing season for all concerned – except those who derived inordinate pleasure from the fact Millwall ended with a perfectly symmetrical record: P42 W14 D14 L14 F51 A51 Pts42.