‘I was heavily pregnant when my partner turned violent – I’m not alone’

Throughout their relationship, Alice* never knew what behaviour or reaction to expect from her ex-partner. He was unpredictable and, often, abusive. On Easter weekend in 2021, when Alice was 14 weeks pregnant, she and her ex had a huge argument. ‘He was smashing things up and frightening me,’ says Alice. ‘He also ripped an engagement ring he’d given me off my finger and told me I was not worthy of it.’.

Alice drove to her mum’s. ‘I was in a really bad way,’ she recalls. Her mum, who Alice had confided in, had heard about an organisation called The For Baby’s Sake Trust – which aims to break the cycle of domestic abuse by offering trauma-informed, therapeutic support to both parents – on the radio, and suggested Alice get in touch.

Alice was all for it. ‘I was desperate’, she says. ‘I was looking for some guidance and direction. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like a crazy person.’. ‘At The For Baby’s Sake Trust, we provide parents with trauma-informed, therapeutic support to break the cycle of domestic abuse and give their baby the best start in life,’ says Lauren Seager-Smith, CEO of The For Baby’s Sake Trust.

‘We know that domestic abuse has a profound impact on babies, even before they are born; the baby is at the heart of everything we do.’. Domestic abuse and pregnancy are closely linked. About 20% of women being supported by domestic abuse charity Refuge, for example, are pregnant or have recently given birth.

Alice knows this first hand; when she fell pregnant, her partner’s abuse got worse. ‘His mood swings would be even more unpredictable,’ Alice explains. ‘Once, he pushed me; I fell over some paint in the bedroom and busted my right ankle. I was quite heavily pregnant at that point. Another time, he grabbed me and broke a necklace on my neck.’.

‘Research shows that abuse often starts or escalates during pregnancy, with 30% of domestic abuse beginning in pregnancy,’ The For Baby’s Sake Trust CEO Lauren Seager-Smith explains. ‘This rises to 40% during their baby’s first 1,001 days of life.’.

New data from For Baby’s Sake Trust reveals almost 50,000 babies are referred to children’s social care each year with domestic abuse as a factor. Read Metro‘s exclusive here. On November 25, 2024 Metro launched This Is Not Right, a year-long campaign to address the relentless epidemic of violence against women.

Throughout the year we will be bringing you stories that shine a light on the sheer scale of the epidemic. With the help of our partners at Women's Aid, This Is Not Right aims to engage and empower our readers on the issue of violence against women. You can find more articles here, and if you want to share your story with us, you can send us an email at vaw@metro.co.uk.

Read more:. For Baby’s Sake is not a single parent programme. ‘We offer an evidence-based, whole-family approach that works with both parents,’ says Lauren. ‘The parents do not need to be in a relationship, but there needs to be a shared motivation to co-parent their child safely.’.

The aim of this is to work with both parents to break cycles of abuse, including the abusive parent, who may also go on to have children with other partners. Once Alice was in touch with The For Baby’s Sake Trust, she told her ex she’d like them to do the programme. He wasn’t keen, but ultimately agreed on the condition that he and Alice do it as a couple, rather than as separated co-parents.

‘We do not require parents to be in a relationship with one another,’ says Lauren. ‘Our programme is designed to break cycles of domestic abuse, and help parents to safely parent their baby, whether they are in a relationship or not. Each parent has a separate Therapeutic Practitioner. If one parent disengages with the programme, we will continue to work with the other parent. It is crucial that both parents are willing, consenting participants in the programme; we do not mandate contact between parents.’.

‘For Baby’s Sake is a long-term intervention that supports each parent – from pregnancy, until their baby’s second birthday,’ explains Lauren. ‘Each parent has their own dedicated therapeutic practitioner who provides one-to-one support. Parents work through structured programme content – including modules that help them understand how to build safe, healthy relationships. The final phase supports parents in maintaining their progress and putting their learning into practice for the long term.’.

Sam* and Lizzie* have two boys – now aged three and two – and had been married for four years when they started working with The For Baby’s Sake Trust. Prior to that, things were tough. ‘I was struggling,’ says Sam. ‘I’d recently started a new job, so there was pressure. I was a father to a one-year-old; me and my wife weren’t communicating properly.’.

Sam and Lizzie were put in touch with The For Baby’s Sake Trust by social services – whom they’d been initially involved with because of suspected abuse from Sam towards Lizzie, as well as aggression towards his family – when Lizzie was pregnant with their second son.