I'm a busy middle-aged dad. After listening to Joe Rogan,...

Shackled to a bench in a police station holding cell, my hands cuffed behind my back, lucidity was starting to return. My first thought: 'Oh my God, what have I done?'. A horrifying sense of regret overwhelmed me as I began to remember. I was in my mid-40s and had it all. I'd spent decades working to build a reputation as a photojournalist and become a successful artist. My work had been displayed in galleries and featured in publications across the world.

Image Credit: Mail Online [I first heard of ayahuasca on Joe Rogan's podcast (pictured). I knew what my friend was asking for, but I didn't take him seriously at first. We lived in a big metropolitan city, not a South American jungle.]

I had a loving partner and a child. I (mostly) followed the law. I very occasionally smoked marijuana, but I didn't drink. I paid my taxes. Then, overnight... my spiraling descent into a complete psychotic break began innocently enough when a friend came to me for help through a difficult time.

Image Credit: Mail Online [My friend took one look at the bag I gave him and said: 'That's psilocybin. I don't want that.' He didn't just want to get high; he told me he wanted the full ayahuasca experience. That's how I ended up with a Ziploc sandwich bag half full of mushroom caps and stems.]

He'd been married for only a year when his wife was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and passed away. Her loss devastated him. He was desperate and willing to try anything, and he'd heard about ayahuasca – a powerful psychedelic derived from plants and used in traditional South American healing ceremonies. It's supposed to alter thought processes, to blur one's sense of time and to heighten emotions.

I had a loving partner and a child. I (mostly) followed the law. I very occasionally smoked marijuana, but I didn't drink. I paid my taxes. (Pictured: Stock image). Could I get him some, he asked. I'm not sure why he turned to me other than he knew that I occasionally smoked marijuana so may have assumed I had connections.

I first heard of ayahuasca on Joe Rogan's podcast. I knew what my friend was asking for, but I didn't take him seriously at first. We lived in a big metropolitan city, not a South American jungle. But soon it became clear that he was on a downward path so mentally destructive that I feared he might not survive it. I agreed to help him.

I turned to a guy at my gym who had a reputation for getting things, but ayahuasca was an impossible task. So, he sold me what he thought was the next best option: so-called 'magic mushrooms' – mushrooms containing psilocybin, another naturally-occurring psychedelic that can trigger hallucinations and an altered state of consciousness.

A few days later I returned to my friend. He took one look at the bag I gave him and said: 'That's psilocybin. I don't want that.'. He didn't just want to get high; he told me he wanted the full ayahuasca experience with all the personal revelation and healing he thought that could bring.

That's how I ended up with a Ziploc sandwich bag half full of mushroom caps and stems. Looking back, it's hard to believe how casually I made my next decision. I had never taken mushrooms, but I'd heard of people 'micro-dosing' with them and extolling the benefits, so I thought I'd try it.

I was curious and convinced that if I did it in small amounts it would be safe. At first, I just nibbled at a mushroom cap. Over the next few days, I took a similar dose daily. I never felt anything beyond a slight buzz. I travelled to Las Vegas on a work trip and took the mushrooms with me. I worked non-stop doing a series of photographs – micro-dosing the entire time and smoking marijuana.

This was at the height of the COVID pandemic and, as a photojournalist, I had been covering the civil unrest that had broken out in cities across the country. Looking back, I think I underestimated the impact that the chaos, exhaustion and isolation was having on my mental health. I think my reality was starting to slip even before the mushrooms.

It wasn't until I got home, where I felt more secure, that I started taking larger doses. I still thought the mushrooms were having very little effect. When I smoked marijuana, I felt chill, but with the mushrooms I didn't feel anything of note. I didn't realize it, but I was already deep into my psychotic breakdown.

I first heard of ayahuasca on Joe Rogan's podcast (pictured). I knew what my friend was asking for, but I didn't take him seriously at first. We lived in a big metropolitan city, not a South American jungle. One day while I was editing photographs and listening to music in my office, a new 'awareness' suddenly came over me - everything seemed connected. Everything had a pattern... a meaning... a significance.

Something had cracked wide open, and my reality shifted. But in a heartbeat, I went from this state of hypercreativity to total darkness. It had taken me about two weeks to work through the bag of mushrooms and their toxicity had built up in my system – with terrifying consequences.

What came next was truly the lowest point in my life. I was overwhelmed by paranoia and believed I was being followed and filmed. I was convinced that the world was orchestrated and controlled by a shadow government of aliens. I had a series of chaotic thoughts where every symbol, sign or interaction seemed to me to have some deeper meaning. I stopped sleeping... for an entire week.

It was hell for everyone close to me. I would peer out of my window from behind the blinds to see who was out there, watching me. I believed that I'd cracked a code that laid everything bare, and I was ready to go to war with anyone who tried to stop me.