'I thought I didn't deserve my survival': Ani Naqvi who lived through the Boxing Day tsunami by clinging to a tree reveals her 20-year battle with survivor's guilt - and how tragedy ultimately led her to happiness

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'I thought I didn't deserve my survival': Ani Naqvi who lived through the Boxing Day tsunami by clinging to a tree reveals her 20-year battle with survivor's guilt - and how tragedy ultimately led her to happiness
Published: Dec, 20 2024 00:46

Gasping for air as the raging black water tossed me around like a doll, I believed this was it – my life was ending. Then amid the chaos and terror, I had a moment of complete clarity. ‘Remember this moment, you do not want to die,’ a voice said inside my head.

 [Ani was staying in Arugam Bay in the east of Sri Lanka with her friends Sri (pictured) and Wayne]
Image Credit: Mail Online [Ani was staying in Arugam Bay in the east of Sri Lanka with her friends Sri (pictured) and Wayne]

It’s now been 20 years since I came within seconds of death on a Sri Lankan beach during the most devastating tsunami on record. But despite the passing of time, my memories of that Boxing Day morning remain shockingly vivid. Unlike the estimated 230,000 people who perished in the ocean that day, I was spared. Yet survival was only the beginning.

 [The Indian Ocean waves that Ani survived killed 230,000 people on Boxing Day in 2004]
Image Credit: Mail Online [The Indian Ocean waves that Ani survived killed 230,000 people on Boxing Day in 2004]

I’ve spent the past two decades coming to terms with the fact I am alive when so many others died, turning my survivor’s guilt into a determination to have a life of purpose and meaning. It’s no surprise that the experience changed me, but what I never expected was that I would come to see the positives, even less that I would be using these lessons to help others.

 [It’s now been 20 years since Ani survived the most devastating tsunami on record]
Image Credit: Mail Online [It’s now been 20 years since Ani survived the most devastating tsunami on record]

In 2004 I was in my early 30s, with a flourishing media career as a journalist and my own home. I should have been happy and fulfilled – I had all the markers of a successful life. But instead I felt ‘grey’ and dissatisfied. Landing in the Sri Lankan capital Colombo a few days before Christmas 2004, I was also fragile, following an episode of depression, something I’d suffered with on and off throughout my adult life.

 [Ani suffered with PTSD symptoms in the aftermath of the tsunami and underwent specialist trauma psychotherapy]
Image Credit: Mail Online [Ani suffered with PTSD symptoms in the aftermath of the tsunami and underwent specialist trauma psychotherapy]

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