Yes to tinsel, no to cranberry sauce: Henry Conway on how not to have a very common Christmas
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Christmas is inherently naff. Clashing colours, EastEnders levels of boozing, Santa hats and reindeer ears — it’s hardly a time for the high altar of good taste. We Brits have quite the global reputation for snobbery, so as Christmastide takes grip, how do we navigate the tightrope between naff and downright common? My friend Nicky Haslam publishes his infamous “Common List” tea towel annually, one of which I hope is stuffed in your stocking, but my barometer of what I consider common at Christmas is perhaps a little more flexible.
The thing is, I sort of love common things at Christmas. Cheap chocolates, fluffy polyester dog beds, Bridget Jones comedy jumpers — all the things that should seem so hideous — posh people really adore. Way up in the highest echelons of British society there’s an ability to be so naff that it becomes smart. Being too much of a snob is, quite frankly, common, very middling (shorthand for middle class to those who don’t know) and curtain-twitching. Having said that, there are some things that are just too ghastly to contemplate; so for your guidance, delectation and debate, here are some of the absolute bottom-of-the-pile things that I think are as common as muck.
Ripping apart each other’s interiors taste is a favourite pastime, so Christmas decorations are a glorious minefield for judgment. Let’s start with the tree. Firstly, it has to be real, no plastic — you’re not in Singapore or Dubai. Then the contentious matter of lights — go to any old-school toff house in the countryside and they will be multicoloured. Bright white lights are very common, and don’t get me started on twinkling or flashing. Warm white I will just about accept (Highgrove’s trees have these, so if HM does it…), but if you are thinking of some minimalist, singular colour bauble decorated tree, give up right now.
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