I give my friends sex toys as gifts – it’s not shameful

‘I’ve never used a sex toy,’ my friend confessed to me, ‘But I’m desperate to find a good one.’. For years, she didn’t feel comfortable browsing the internet for her orgasm machine – despite most adult products being available online these days and delivered in discrete packages. So, knowing I’m very comfortable talking about sex and pleasure, she came to me for advice. That’s when I got an idea.

I asked her to come over to my flat where I pulled out a big goodie bag of sex toys that I’d received as free samples from my job at the time. I laid the products out on my kitchen table – they were all unused and in their original packaging – and told her to pick one. We had a good laugh as she studied each item carefully and eventually settled on a big massager-looking type. In fact, the toy served her so well that she eventually wore it out and had to buy a new one.

Now that she felt more knowledgeable and confident in her own pleasure, she had no trouble ordering it herself. All of this to say, don’t be afraid to open up to friends about advice on sex toys because you never know how they might help you. I wasn’t always the confident sexpot I am now. Many years ago, I remember going to an adult store with friends and blushing at the sight of a soft pink dildo on a shelf. It seemed to be ominously staring back at me.

There were some more advanced toys in another corner of the room, but I was too nervous to inspect them in any detail. Mostly because I wasn’t as experienced then as I am now, and asking a staff member for help seemed impossible. While you can ask about speeds or modes, there’s no delicate way to say: ‘But will it get me off?’ So I left the store empty-handed. Instead, I did what I’ve always done – I asked a more experienced pal for their input. We mostly just gossiped a bit and she told me which toy she had and where she got it. I instantly felt more at ease about it all.

These days, I am that same friend to people in my social group, and it’s a privilege I take seriously. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that my job often comes with free sex toys. Don’t get me wrong, of course I understand the hesitation in asking for advice about something so intimate. From my experience, many people don’t like to admit that they need assistance in the sack because they wrongly assume that it means they are not good in bed – or implies their partner isn’t sexually pleasing them. But nothing could be further from the truth, especially when it comes to sex toys.

A decade or two ago, the offering was pretty slim. But these days, there’s a product for pretty much everything; from AI robots that cost a fortune to suction toys and vibrators that pair up with apps on your phone. It is truly a glorious time to be alive and shagging – but so much choice can also be incredibly intimidating. That’s why I like to spice things up. While hosting a dinner party one time, I came up with a fun drinking game – where people had to guess the spices I’d used in my home-made gin – to entertain my guests. It included a special prize – a high-tech luxury vibrator worth £200.

The winner was absolutely delighted and walked home hours later with a beaming smile on her face. I chose this prize partly because I had a similar pleasure piece and I don’t like waste, but also because everyone can use a little sexual boost now and then. And I knew that the gift would be well-received, regardless of which guest won it. Then came a text message from a close male friend a few years ago: ‘I need your help with something but it’s a little unusual and I feel awkward about it.’.

Reading the cryptic text on my phone my curiosity was immediately piqued. This pal is not particularly shy so I was surprised by their choice of words – but I had a feeling I knew what this was about. Or at the very least, the topic: Sex. Seconds later, my suspicions were proven correct: ‘I want to surprise my girlfriend with a sex toy for Valentine’s but I have no idea where to start or what to get – can you please give me some advice?’.

This is what I told him. Firstly, don’t panic – just treat this like any other shopping task. Knowledge is power, so start by doing some research. Brands have upped the ante on their product descriptions in recent years. They often include detailed information on not only speeds and settings, materials and cost – but also the sensation or feeling that you could expect. Use a private browser if you’re worried about your search history. And while it can be helpful to read other people’s reviews, take these with a pinch of salt.

Consider what you want. Do you get more pleasure from penetration or clitorial stimulation? Do you prefer something battery-driven or rechargeable?. There’s no right or wrong answer. A gentle warning, though. Buying an adult product for yourself is one thing but if you are giving someone else a sex toy, do so with care. As an example, if your relationship is new or more of a casual fling, it might be best to work your way up. Don’t startle your lover with a triple-ended dildo or a set of golden handcuffs unless you are absolutely sure the gift will be well-received.