Few things have given me a greater thrill than the simple act of buying a round of drinks for my family in a lovely village pub recently. The bill for the seven of us came to around £35, and handing over my card to the bartender to settle it was a monumental achievement.
![['Roulette claimed my heaviest losses. I’d think nothing of throwing £200 at red or black,' said Annie]](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2025/02/27/16/95654463-14443643-image-a-15_1740673865698.jpg)
Before that, if ever I had a spare £35 I’d blow it on a game of online roulette. In fact, I wouldn’t have stopped at £35; the most I burned through in one gambling session was £11,000. Looking at that figure now, it seems unbelievable that I could squander such a huge amount – more than I earned in three months in my teaching job – in a matter of hours.
But I was in the grip of a 12-year gambling addiction, with total losses of well over £75,000 – money that my husband and I could have used as a hefty deposit on a house. It remains a source of guilt and shame that we still live in rented accommodation because of me – and that even if we could afford a mortgage, my terrible credit rating would prevent us from getting one.
Like most addicts, I spent years hiding my problem behind a horrible tangle of lies. The inner turmoil was excruciating... right up until I finally sought professional treatment for my addiction two years ago. Gambling addiction is thought to be a male problem, but during my recovery I was given a shocking insight into the number of other women suffering as I was, from mothers and nurses to lawyers and architects.
Even at my worst, on the surface I was the epitome of a respectable, sensible, middle-class professional. Gambling addiction is thought to be a male problem, but many women - respectable, middle-class professionals - hide their problem from loved ones. I teach English in a private secondary school, play golf and padel, and have been married to my husband Will, who works in elite sports management, for seven years.
Both 36, we met at university, where I studied English. After graduating aged 22, Will moved to London to begin his career and I moved back in with my parents in Chester. While local friends started exciting new lives, I returned to the waitressing shifts I’d done during school holidays. I began to feel like a bit of a failure.
I remember being in my bedroom tinkering with my CV on my laptop when an advert popped up on the screen offering me a free £10 horse-racing bet. ‘Why not?’ I thought and, by sheer fluke, I won. Although I don’t recall how much, what I remember clearly is the buzz I felt in that moment. After months of feeling like a loser compared to all my friends, suddenly I felt good; like a winner. And I knew I wanted that feeling again.
Things escalated alarmingly quickly. Within two weeks I was gambling for six to eight hours a day, chasing that feeling of elation. Living board-free at home meant that when I got my weekly pay packet, I’d buy any essentials, such as toiletries, then gamble the rest away in under a week on online casino games. When I’d spent all my money, I took loans or worked overtime.
No one in my family gambled, so they didn’t suspect what I was doing during all those hours spent on my phone and laptop; in their minds, gambling probably happened in High Street betting shops or in casinos. And because we weren’t living together, Will didn’t pick up on it, either.
Yet it consumed my life, preventing me from applying for jobs, pursuing my hobbies and being sociable. Roulette claimed my heaviest losses. I’d think nothing of throwing £200 at red or black – swiftly followed by another £200 to try to win back what I’d lost. If I had a big win I would splash out on new clothes, only to return them days later when I needed the money back. If I transferred the winnings to my bank accounts, it would quickly be debited for loan repayments.
'Roulette claimed my heaviest losses. I’d think nothing of throwing £200 at red or black,' said Annie. I’d then gamble again to win more money. I did it during breaks at work, in the toilets on rare nights out, or even waiting for dental or GP appointments.
My biggest win came in 2016. Aged 28, I was still living with my parents and working waitressing shifts at a hotel, and I had been gambling for six years. It was around midnight when I won £20,000 on the roulette wheel after taking out a loan of £1,000.
With my parents asleep in the next room, I remember quietly jumping up and down, then crying with relief. It meant I’d be able to pay back all of my outstanding loans – around £3,000 at the time – with plenty left over for a holiday or a car. But, though I did pay back the loans, within a month I’d gambled the rest away. I remember crying and shaking in my room when the final few pounds vanished.
I told no one about these dizzying highs and crashing lows, and I felt terrible keeping so much from Will. In a way, I was living a double life. Will and I moved into a rented house together in Hertfordshire not long after this episode, and got married in May 2017. At around the same time, I returned to university to gain a PGCE, having decided I wanted to teach.
