I spend Valentine’s Day with my lover & my husband of 18 years has no clue, I have sex with both of them on the same day

STANDING in the shower, I soap myself all over and wash my hair thoroughly. I can’t risk any lingering scent of my love making remaining on me. Then I gulp down a mug of coffee to sober me up. I’d spent the afternoon at my lover Andy’s* house in bed, drinking champagne. Later I’ll go home to my husband Jim*, who I’m taking out for a Valentine’s Day dinner in our favourite local Thai restaurant.

It’s shocking – I know – but it’s a day to celebrate love and I can hand on heart say I adore them both. But for a while I’d fallen out of love with my husband and Andy has been instrumental in helping me resurrect the spark in my marriage. My affair started nearly three years ago and it’s not only revived my confidence but given me back my sex drive. For years Jim and I had been in a rut. The turning point was a lovely spring evening in March 2022.

The sort of night when you want to sit outside a pub, have a drink and feel optimistic about summer coming. Instead I was slumped on the sofa, watching Eastenders and feeling uncomfortable in jeans that were too tight. Jim was next to me wearing an ancient sweatshirt and scruffy tracksuit bottoms. The coffee table was littered with Chinese takeaway boxes. The picture was hardly an Instagrammable one of love’s young dream.

Admittedly we weren’t young, I was 46 and Jim, 49, but it summed up the state of our marriage – there was a lack of effort being made by both of us. We were stuck in a rut and neither of us seemed to have the energy to do anything about it. I didn’t want my life to be like this. At size 14, I wasn’t huge but I lost my confidence, which had a knock on effect on our sex life. I tried to talk to Jim there and then. Telling him how unhappy I was that I’d let myself go and that we didn’t connect any more.

But he barely looked at me before saying I looked ‘fine’ and that all marriages were like ours. And that was the end of the conversation. But I knew I had to do something. I’d gradually been putting on weight since we’d had our daughters, now 15 and 13. I hated it. While I was a gym goer in my 20s I never seemed to find time to go while juggling children and my part time job in an estate agency.

I cooked healthy family meals, but I ate huge portions and later I’d sit on the sofa snacking on crisps and chocolate. At size 14, I wasn’t huge but I lost my confidence, which had a knock on effect on our sex life. We still did it very occasionally but it was a light’s out perfunctory affair. My sex drive had all but disappeared, I didn’t fancy Jim anymore and didn’t feel attractive myself.

Meanwhile Jim lost his enthusiasm for life, he was knackered too from work as a construction manager and could barely be bothered to go for a pint with his best mate, let alone woo me over dinner. We were both miserable. But after that spring day I vowed to sort myself out. I went to Slimming World and started walking everywhere and then took up jogging and gradually I lost weight. By July I was down to a size 10 and feeling so much better. Jim didn’t even comment, I doubt he noticed.

I felt so rubbish about myself that I wouldn’t have believed anyone could find me attractive. But a colleague, Andy, did. We’d always been matey and he kept saying how well I looked. And then one evening, on a work night out that same month I dropped four sizes, we ended up being the last to leave, chatting turned to flirting and as he said goodbye, he kissed me briefly on the lips. When I left I felt alive again for the first time in years. I knew it was wrong, but it felt so good that I didn’t really feel guilty.

The following week we went out again, and that time we left together and ended up kissing in an alleyway. From there the affair started. Andy had recently got divorced when it started so he’s always happy to work around me and I escape when I can, but it’s only once or twice a month that I have the time to go to his house, on the other side of Oxford to mine, and make love. We see each other all the time at work.

Andy swears he always fancied me and had made overtures before that I’d never noticed. It’s possible, I felt so rubbish about myself that I wouldn’t have believed anyone could find me attractive. The sex is great with Andy. It always feels new and exciting and if I’m honest the illicit nature of it makes it more thrilling. But it isn’t just sex, I love him. We laugh together, he’s incredibly caring and seems interested in everything I say.

I am in love with two men – but I feel as though they’re dependent on each other. And he knows I don’t want to leave Jim, not just because of our daughters but because I still love him. With my newfound confidence of losing weight and feeling appreciated by Andy, I was able to be more communicative with Jim. Eighteen months ago I persuaded him to start exercising with me and we now go jogging together three evenings a week.