My mum is trying to control every detail of my wedding

Wedding planner and venue owner Alison Rios McCrone helps solve your dilemmas, no matter how big or small, in a weekly agony aunt column. Dear Alison,. When my boyfriend proposed, I was happier than I could ever imagine, but one thing instantly made me feel tense – I just knew that my mum was going to be the most annoying she’s ever been. Mum loves to be included in everything and considered special, to the point where she stops speaking to me if I don’t tell her the smallest detail of my life.

It’s annoying, but I’m used to it; she’s my mum and we all have our weird quirks. But I knew she would want to control or be a massive part of the wedding, and I just don’t think I can handle it, because she’s already started. For example, I wanted her to be part of the dress fitting, so we went together to look at dresses. Unfortunately, she was so forceful about her preference, didn’t listen to me and kept talking over me.

Afterwards, on the drive home, she said she had to come to the cake tastings and help choose the invitations but I don’t want that. I can’t have her take over the wedding!. My fiancé isn’t involved much in our planning and is so laid back that he lets her get away with her behaviour. I want to make some decisions myself without her input but I know she’s going to get upset about it. How do I control my mum?.

Valerie. Weddings are joyful occasions – but they’re also incredibly stressful. Whether you’re a bride or groom, best woman or man, family member or friend of the couple, the run up to the big day can be very tense. If you need a bit of help with your quandary, Alison, who has run a venue for 10 years and helps couples plan weddings, is here to offer a helping hand. Email platform@metro.co.uk to share your issue anonymously with Alison and get it solved.

Dear Valerie. Congratulations on your engagement!. Planning your wedding should be a time of excitement and joy, filled with memorable moments between you and your fiancé as you prepare for your big day. I completely understand why you are feeling overwhelmed and tense. While your mum’s enthusiasm may come from a place of love, her over-involvement clearly crosses boundaries and makes this special time feel more about her than you.

You deserve to plan your wedding as you envision it without feeling pressured or overshadowed. The key here is to find a balance – showing her you value her participation while also setting clear and firm limits. It’s important to include her in ways that make her feel special but still allow you to maintain control over the important decisions. Since she reacts poorly to being excluded, try redirecting her rather than shutting her out entirely. Instead of letting her take over, choose a few areas where her help would be genuinely appreciated, such as making wedding favours, helping to organise the flowers, or arranging the table centrepieces.

These tasks will make her feel like she’s contributing but won’t compromise your ability to make the key decisions that matter most to you. Let your mum know how much you appreciate her excitement and input, but also make it clear that there are some aspects of the planning process that you’d like to handle yourself or with your fiancé. When choosing the wedding cake, for example, explain to her that this is a unique and intimate experience you want to share with your husband-to-be.

Instead of letting your mum invite herself along, gently express how much you’re looking forward to choosing the cake together as a couple. You can reassure her that while you value her feedback, you and your fiancé will decide on the key elements of your wedding. Another way to soften the blow is to frame keeping her away as wanting to have surprises for her on the day. Also, speak to your fiancé. While he may be laid-back, he should still be there to support you in reinforcing boundaries. Have an open conversation with him and tell him how important it is for him to step up when necessary.

Even a simple reminder from him to your mum that this is your wedding and you want to make key decisions together, could prevent your mum from being overbearing. Ultimately, you’re not trying to control your mum; you are just setting boundaries to ensure your wedding remains about you and your partner. You have every right to do so! Be firm, be loving, and don’t be afraid to push back when needed. She will adapt, as every mum wants only the best for their daughter in the build-up to their wedding.

Wishing you a beautiful, stress-free engagement and a wedding that reflects you!. Best wishes,. Alison. Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. Share your views in the comments below. Arrow MORE: How the first same-sex married couple in Northern Ireland were boosted to stardom. Arrow MORE: I give my friends sex toys as gifts – it’s not shameful. Arrow MORE: My children can’t see their father because I don’t earn enough money.