“You should always pick your battles, but even more so at Christmas,” says Dr Ellen O’Gorman, clinical psychologist at The Soke, Chelsea. It’s not always easy to avoid conflict, but if you can, walk away from minor arguments, rather than leaning in. That way, if something really riles you up, you can make yourself heard. If you usually clash with your cousins over the TV remote, for example, rise above it and let them decide what to watch. Or if your mum hates you interfering with her cooking, leave her to it and do something else useful instead.“ Prepare for what triggers you in these situations, because it is unlikely that other people’s patterns of behaviours will change over Christmas,” Dr O’Gorman adds. “Once we know what might trigger us, we can reflect beforehand on how we might react and behave ourselves.”.
Going home for Christmas, especially if little has changed in your family’s living set-up, can make it tempting to revert to old roles and rehash disagreements you left behind. Dr O’Gorman suggests a technique called “radical acceptance”, whereby you accept the reality of the situation, understanding what you can and can’t control, to navigate family dynamics. “Practise increased boundaries,” she adds. “Take time and space for yourself. ”Bear in mind that you have all grown up, changed and now have your own lives – even if you’re in a familiar setting. Try to focus on the present, not the past. And remember how rare it is to get everyone together, making the holidays a special time, even if old habits (especially the really annoying ones) die hard.
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