Worrying about F-bombs while Rome burns is no answer to sport’s real problems

When I’ve got a really intractable task I need to deal with – a conversation I don’t want to have, prep for something I’m scared of – I play Candy Crush. Its tagline is ‘swipe the stress away’. As mission statements go, it’s pretty good. But I’m not really swiping the stress away, I am deferring it – by existing in a colourful box of haptic pleasure. The task is no closer to completion, the stress is – once I surface – not gone but increased. But, for the time being, the gummi dragons are saved and I am happy.

The FIA, the organisation that runs international motorsport, thinks like me. It’s pressing on with the swearing crackdown so beloved of its president Mohammed Ben Sulayem. Three swears from drivers in public can lead to punishments including a month-long suspension or even the deduction of championship points. Ben Sulayem is so keen to drive out naughty words that he saw fit to plough through with the plan without a vote.

World champion Max Verstappen earned a community service day for an F-bomb and this week saw the first fine delivered under the new rules, to World Rally Championship driver Adrien Fourmaux. Personally, to declare my interest up front, I f***ing love a good swear. Quite apart from the fact it can elevate a joke pleasingly, research shows swearing can be a sign of intelligence and help manage pain.

But I am not here to debate whether or not adults should be allowed to swear because the average human life is only 4,000 weeks long and, frankly people, we’ve got bigger issues. And this is the crux of the matter. One of the key problems we face as humans blessed with only one viable home planet is climate change.

International travel contributes to this as does… driving big cars. So the joint-longest F1 season of 24 stops featuring particularly big cars launched this week might, if feeling in the mood for self-improvement, care to reflect on that. How will they be improving the world around them?.

Well, it’s simple, we’re cleaning up… the language the lads use… in an entertainment medium, where personality brings eyeballs. Fans of Manchester United might recognise this leadership style, gleaned from the popular business school course ‘Fiddling while Rome burns’. Leaders happily squander £4.1million on hiring then firing Newcastle’s sporting director Dan Ashworth, rather than doing a bit of research into how he might fit at his new club.

But don’t worry team, we’re scrapping the 50 quid bonus for steward of the week and returning our Sellotape order to suppliers. Your sacrifices are worth it!. Another key strategy made famous over at Chelsea is the selling-off of academy products to steady the finance books.

If Alejandro Garnacho or Kobbie Mainoo go, that is all profit, whereas the process of selling an ill-advised purchase recoups less on the balance sheet, thanks to pure accounting poetry. Cool, you have money. But do you have a functional football team?.

It all feels rather like the strongly worded statement after the 2022 World Cup in Qatar that a huge, important investigation would be carried out by Fifa into… how Salt Bae was able to sprinkle imaginary salt on the World Cup trophy after the winners’ ceremony.

Important to make sure the big stuff gets fully assessed after that completely incident-free tournament. Well done, Fifa!. Of course, watching sport is escapist. In some respects, we are all complicit in fiddling while Rome burns. And no sports executive can be expected to address all the disparate challenges facing the future of humanity while doing a pretty complex job.

But if they could at least not bulls*** their colleagues with petty vendettas that act as a distraction and help no one, that would be ideal, cheers. Arrow MORE: Sir Jim Ratcliffe makes ‘unfortunate’ blunder in front of Man Utd Women captain. Arrow MORE: Emma Raducanu’s stalker ordeal proves women aren’t safe anywhere.

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