As an agony aunt, I know the biggest cause of unhappiness: other people. Here’s the secret to better relationships
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Looking back through her post bag, Observer Magazine’s Philippa Perry answers her readers most commonly asked question: why are other people so awful?. From my many years as a therapist and advice columnist, I’ve started to see clear patterns in the problems that bother my readers the most. And I can confirm that Sartre was right: hell is other people. It’s difficult relationships with those around us that cause the most anguish. It’s such a common theme that I’ve given a lecture on the subject: Why are other people so awful? To help you into the new year, here’s my advice on this most commonly experienced problem.
![[Philippa Perry]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/uploads/2017/10/09/Philippa-Perry,-L.png?width=75&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
Struggles in connecting to others – or, more specifically, the tension between wanting connection and feeling disconnected – can manifest in many ways. As well as difficulties in existing relationships, such struggles can also make you feel lonely or alienated.
This sense of not belonging can undermine your wellbeing whether at work, home or even when doing pickup at the school gates. Many of us are anxious about how others perceive us, fearing rejection, which prevents us from forming meaningful connections. We often struggle with our self-worth and identity, feeling either unworthy or insecure in comparison to others, or – which is just as isolating – feeling superior to them. This leads to communication problems, which is another huge barrier to forming fruitful and honest relationships at work and home.
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