My father had plastic surgery. Now he wants me and my mother to get work done
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The cosmetics industry has been reeling men into its multibillion-dollar empire in recent years, writes advice columnist Jessica DeFino. The Guardian’s journalism is independent. We will earn a commission if you buy something through an affiliate link. Learn more.
![[Jessica DeFino]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/uploads/2024/09/19/Jessica_Defino.png?width=75&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
Hi Ugly,. My father is falling down a plastic surgery rabbit hole and trying to drag everyone around him down with it. He’s in his late 50s and, in the past year, he got his first cosmetic surgery and made a whole fuss about the results. I personally can’t see any difference whatsoever, but he brags about it constantly to anyone and everyone!.
After this “success”, he’s been telling my mom to get Botox and microneedling for her wrinkles and telling me to get a weird, expensive acne laser treatment and urging me to see his cosmetic dermatologist for my acne scars. I feel very uncomfortable with this – I previously did Accutane and a million other things for my acne, which is, cough cough, genetic! – and any suggestion that my mid-50s mother needs to stop ageing.
How do I navigate my father’s maddening descent into plastic surgery culture?. - Sad, Acne-Scarred Daughter. I understand your dad completely. When I was 11, I forced layers of sparkly eyeshadow on my four-year-old sister. My friends and I passed soda-flavored Lip Smackers around our middle school classrooms like notes. Upon discovering Urban Decay Big Fatty Mascara in my teens, I told every girl I knew she had to buy a tube (or 10).
Girls are born into beauty culture, which teaches us that appearance is a key measure of our worth. It’s communal! Social! Fun! Feminine beauty ideals are modeled by the dolls we play with. (Hi, Barbie.) The rules are passed down in games and stories. (Remember Pretty Pretty Princess?) Products become portals to friendship and connection. We learn to self-surveil and to surveil others, often subconsciously, as a way to gauge our personal success and help our loved ones succeed, too.
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