Forget charades, I have found the worst Christmas game of all time – and I love it
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While ostensibly terrible, Santa’s Speedy Quest is also addictive, hilarious, only 79p – and in its own fiendish way, exactly what we need at this time of year. If you’ve got an Xbox and any sense, you’ll be spending this Christmas playing the new Indiana Jones game. And perhaps feeling smug about the fact it’s a timed exclusive, leaving PlayStation owners to press their noses against the frosted glass like Victorian orphans.
![[Nothing innovative or original … Santa’s Speedy Quest.]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/ec62145fd386ea8d21b376ee510688cdcc43f3ca/44_0_1645_988/master/1645.jpg?width=445&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
But dry your tears, PS5 fans, for I have found the game that will save Christmas. And it costs 79p. Say hello, and ho ho ho, to Santa’s Speedy Quest. I discovered this gem while trawling the PlayStation Store for cheap, terrible games to laugh at on my Twitch stream. (This is also how I discovered the seminal classic Stroke the Beaver, but that’s another story.) SSQ fits the bill, being incredibly cheap (it’s actually only 23p if you have a PlayStation Plus subscription) and ostensibly terrible. But it’s also addictive, hilarious, and much more layered than it first appears.
![[The leaderboard isn’t even real … Santa’s Speedy Quest.]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/dde54f16fb702ad9f6238e6e36dab98fbda6d176/57_0_1628_978/master/1628.jpg?width=445&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
At one point during the stream, I may have described it as the pinnacle of the video game medium. That might be a bit strong, much like the three pints of Baileys I’d consumed beforehand. But I stand by the assertion that in its own simplistic, fiendish way, Santa’s Speedy Quest is a work of twisted genius.
As you’d expect, SSQ does not have the blockbuster polish and high production values of Indiana Jones and the Great MacGuffin. It looks like it was made in Microsoft Paint. Nor does it contain any original gameplay ideas, unless you count “Flappy Bird, but make it Santa” as innovative.
