‘Grief doesn’t bend’: professional big mountain skier Hadley Hammer on moving forward past loss
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The American big mountain skier has experienced more loss at 38 than most humans will in a lifetime. She opens up about how she’s learned to navigate the highs and lows. For the last five years, Hadley Hammer has been fighting to stay above water. Only now, looking back, can she admit how intense the last half-decade has been.
![[Hadley Hammer was born and raised in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/2a66ca9f1496fb41c3468a940c410004b7cba106/0_0_2978_1473/master/2978.jpg?width=445&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
In April 2019, Hammer’s then partner, professional alpinist David Lama, died in an avalanche. A month later, Sam Coffey, an ex-boyfriend, died unexpectedly from a series of strokes. Soon after, her dad was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. She then moved to Europe, tore her ACL, went through strict pandemic lockdowns, and just as she was rebounding, her dad passed away. Two months later, her close friend and mentor, Hilaree Nelson, died in an avalanche in Nepal.
“I’ve been trying to keep my ski career going,” says Hammer, “while figuring out what it all meant.”. It’s fair to say that Hammer, 38, has experienced more loss than most humans will in a lifetime. “An average person’s life goes through these periods.” Hammer says. “You meet the love of your life, get married, have kids, watch your parents get old and die. All of that happened to me in five years. I would surface briefly and get pulled back down. I never admitted how hard it was, or I would have lost it. Only now, with the help of therapists, friends, and writing, can I look back at it all.”.
This season, Hammer, a professional big mountain skier, is optimistic that skiing will be joyful again. “When I think of my happy times, it’s in the backyard with my brothers, skiing off the roof, stealing construction equipment to build rails, jumping off everything. I want the sport to be a refuge of play. I want it to be about exploration and fun.”.
