While I understand your partner’s fears and their desire not to experience more sadness, Davies explained that “by keeping the door closed in this way, their pain can’t move, it stays frozen in time and is experienced, in one way or another, for ever.
When we learn to live with something early on, it can take time to unlearn living with it, and time to develop and establish a different way of doing things.” I would add that your partner probably sees their way of doing things as protective and having “worked for them so far”, even if it actually doesn’t work for them in the long term or isn’t healthy.
“One of the repeating themes I see as a therapist,” he said after reading your letter, “is people disconnecting from their sadness and grief and, in turn, one of nature’s greatest gifts to help us move through these emotions: tears.”.
Feeling sadness is essential for feeling happiness, but unlearning the avoidance mechanisms your partner has put in place may take time.
A decade has passed since their father died, and I fully support my partner and understand they must be feeling emotional pain.
