Who disgraced themselves at this year's office Christmas party? The tribes you may recognise
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She didn’t just enjoy Charlie XCX’s brat summer, Melinda took it to heart and is now living a life of total chaos. Doesn’t eat any of the Christmas lunch, instead preferring granulated sustenance: ket and mdma. By the end of the night, she’s alternating between punching senior men or simulating self-pleasure across the buffet table. By way of explanation she keeps saying “brat girl winter” and everyone seems to accept it.
The Christmas party coincides with a vital Champions League tie, so Bobby is distracted for the whole evening. Any casual hellos his way result in a 30 minute lecture on the pros and cons of the high press. Permanently stood at the bar refreshing his phone for the latest live news of the game, he eventually finds an illegal stream of the game and later quite happily holds his phone in front of his face while dancing to Three Lions.
The day before the party, Pete announced he has a new job and is now swaggering around the event with the smug confidence of a man set free. His colleagues, who previously thought of him as a bit useless, now regard him with awe, wanting to know every detail of how he pulled off his exit, in the manner of prisoners of war trying to find out where the secret escape tunnel is. Seemingly now impervious to the debilitating effects of alcohol, he will leave early and dignified, not so much a man as a god.
Hasn’t had a fag since the last Christmas party but now Cynthia is outside all night with one permanently glued to her mouth. Everyone thinks she’s gone home but she’s simply flirting with the cool kids in the street. Will look cool doing so for half an hour before the colour drains from her face and she spends the rest of the evening vomming.
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