Dear Bel,. I adopted my son at two; he’s now 40 and has always been a problem. He has never shown any emotion, was always in trouble at school and couldn’t hold down a job. He has a sister three years younger who is my birth child. I encouraged them both to join clubs and activities, cadets, judo, football etc, but my son never stuck at anything. He stole from me, his sister and part-time jobs. The first time he stole from a shop was when he was five. I told him it was wrong and took the toy away.
He found it hard to make friends and was bullied at school. I had family therapy but it didn’t help. I divorced his adoptive father when he was 14 and remarried. He didn’t like my new husband but also didn’t get on with his adoptive dad and stole from him and his new wife. He got a good apprenticeship but was sacked for time off and lying.
I managed to help him find another apprenticeship but he got the sack again. At that point he moved out to live with grandparents. He has since gone from one low-paid job to another, sacked for stealing at least twice. He has never contacted me since he left home, not a card or call for birthdays or Christmas. The only time he contacts me is to ask for money – which I don’t give him any more.
He is now unemployed, his only ambition being sickness benefits so he never has to work again. I have tried talking to him, his elderly gran gives him money occasionally and my daughter has helped him out – but it’s all take and no thanks. I want to cut all ties with him and not send birthday and Christmas cards, thinking that if I put him out of my mind I’ll be spared worry.
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