I’m a love expert, Georgia Toffolo’s quarterly review might work but I rate my relationship weekly

FORMER Made In Chelsea star Georgia Toffolo stunned fans after revealing she and Brewdog tycoon fiancé James Watt do quarterly reviews of their relationship. The telly favourite turned romance author said the pair sit down every three months to say what they love about each other and what they love about the relationship. But in what Toff describes as the “savage” section, they address improvement areas.

Sex and relationship coach Gemma Nice says she also has regular reviews with her other half. Gemma, right, said: “A quarterly review is great to keep the relationship alive and allows you both to say it how it is. It’s like a company doing its quarterly review to make sure things are staying in check. It also allows you to appreciate each other.”. She added: “It’s so healthy to keep tabs on where you both are within the relationship every three months.

“My husband and I usually have a coffee date every Friday morning and discuss things within our relationship, like any worries. “I also get my clients to do this as it’s a great way to see how the relationship is going, where it can be improved, how the communication, trust, intimacy, sex life is going. It allows you to be open and honest with each other.”. When the expert gets her clients to check in with each other, she says it is vital to turn off devices and listen.

She added: “Do not interrupt each other, and really take on board each other’s concerns. I get my clients to sometimes sit back-to-back so you are physically touching each other. The other person cannot talk until instructed. This works really well when there is conflict.”. Gemma, who has been married for 25 years and has two kids, says there are real benefits to regularly communicating, as it stops small problems from growing into insurmountable issues.

The love guru said: “The positives are you can keep an eye on where you are in the relationship and, if anything is starting to go astray, intervene early and sort it out before it escalates. “It allows you to be fully open and honest, which then moves into better intimacy and a better sex life.”. Heaping praise on your loved one and your partnership can boost their confidence, she insists. It also deepens the bond. Gemma said: “It gives them a sense of purpose and self-esteem. It also strengthens their confidence as well as the relationship, meaning both parties benefit.

“It improves relationship satisfaction because you are both communicating your needs to each other, making it easier for the relationship to progress and stay healthy.”. And Gemma said quarterly reviews — more often found in an office setting — are a perfect example of why relationships need work. She said: “A lot of people get stuck in a rut and don’t want to fix things. This is where the relationship starts to dwindle. You have to work at a relationship.

“You wouldn’t not put fuel in your car and expect it to run. It’s the same principle, you need to put the work in to get better benefits.”. But opening up to your partner can also have a down side, if one is not fully on board with the idea. Gemma said: “You could be seen to be overanalysing and being critical of the relationship, passing the blame. This might be seen as constantly looking for things to bring up at the quarterly meeting.

“It can also bring up smaller issues which might cause tension if not dealt with correctly.”. FIVE top tips to stay on track:. Sit back to back when you are talking it out. Actively listen to each other, not shouting, and allowing each other to be heard. Don’t interrupt and use “I” statements. Set boundaries and stick to them. If you say you are going out and will be back at a certain time, don’t be later. This builds up trust.

Be open and honest. If this seems hard, close your eyes, hold hands and breathe. Take in three deep breaths to feel calm. Keep emotions under control when stressed, anxious or worried. Doing self-care techniques, such as breath work, meditation or taking a bath, can help you relax. Try new things together and above all, have fun. As adults we seem to lose the ability to mess around. Despite this, the love coach still says it is worth the risk as, like Toff and her soon-to-be husband, it helps you come out stronger.

Gemma added: “You need to go about it in a non-judgmental way, which means using ‘I’ statements. “For example, ‘I really appreciate the hard work you are putting into our relationship’ instead of using ‘you’ statement — ‘You make me feel sad when you don’t put the work in’. It really reframes how you communicate with each other. “By doing these kinds of things it makes the communication, trust and intimacy stronger in all areas of the relationship.”.