We adopted two children, but four months later we were forced to put them in care when our son, 5, threatened to kill us

POLLY Kerridge felt a warm glow as she watched her children exploring their new home. It had taken years of preparation, meetings and parenting classes and at last she was able to call these two children son and daughter. Aware of their difficult start in life, Polly* was sure she would be able to give the brother and sister the life they deserved. Never for one moment did she imagine that four months later she and husband Andrew* would be saying goodbye to their adopted children for good.

"The idea of giving them back never even entered my mind and the reality was horrific," Polly tells Fabulous. The couple of 12 years never wanted children of their own and instead longed to provide a loving, safe home to youngsters in need. “I had no interest in carrying a baby and I felt like I had the right experience to support a child who had experienced trauma," Polly says. "I had been through trauma myself during my teens and I had come out the other side, and I wanted to help another child to do the same.".

The couple began looking into adoption in 2017 and say they were under no illusion that they would be getting a "perfect" child. Polly, now 43, says: “We certainly didn’t go into the experience blind. “I used to get frustrated when I’d meet couples looking for a ‘perfect’ child. It was unrealistic.”. Both Polly and Andrew were informed of the type of behaviour and conditions they might expect from an adopted child.

But she says it was a far cry from the reality of what was really needed. “We had training in dealing with trauma and the impact of foetal alcohol syndrome,” Polly explains. “The way this was discussed made it sound like these were extremely unlikely scenarios.". In November 2023 the couple’s dream came true when they were matched with Billy*, five, and his sister Ava*, four. “Our social worker implied they were the 'Holy Grail' of children to adopt,” Polly says.

“We took every parenting course available to us and readied ourselves for the kind of children we thought we were welcoming into our lives. “We knew there had been alcohol abuse and domestic violence but we were not prepared for the level of trauma that turned up on our doorstep.”. Polly and Andrew welcomed their two children into their home April 2024 believing that this was the start of their new family.

However, she says it was a matter of days before she realised that Billy’s needs were far greater than she had been led to believe. “It was very push and pull, sometimes he'd want us with him, other times he wouldn’t want anything to do with us," she says. “He seemed to need control over the household and would try to manipulate us and his sister. "I believe this was the only way he felt safe.”.

Worried about their son integrating, Polly says she made the first call to their social worker, asking whether they could be referred for a trauma assessment with Billy. However, they were told this wasn’t possible until Billy had been with the couple for six months. He looked me dead in the eye lifted my top up and tried to bite me. With no other option, Polly continued to parent her two children to the best of her ability but it was just few weeks in that Billy began to lash out.

“I was a little taken aback but I didn’t think loads of it because I was aware that he was experiencing constant change," she says. “But it escalated into regular biting, kicking and punching, and throwing things around the lounge.". Polly says his behaviour was becoming increasingly threatening. "A couple of months in Billy had begun threatening to kill us," she says. “One evening Billy tried to pull his sister out of her high chair, so I took her upstairs to safety.

“When I came back downstairs he was holding a knife. “I’ll never forget what my social worker said when I mentioned it: ‘It’s only a butter knife'.". There is no UK-wide data, but most sources put the figure at between 3% and 9%. That’s still hundreds of families, and obviously each one is agonising for everyone involved. The terms adoption ‘break down’ and adoption ‘disruption’ are disliked by families whose children are no longer living with them, because they often continue to parent their children at a distance, with regular ongoing contact between them.

Source: Adoption UK. Polly says that the stress of parenting quickly put a strain on both herself and Andrew. “Within a couple of months I had lost a stone-and-a-half," she says. “My mum said I just looked desperate, and that’s exactly how I felt. “I was sending daily emails to our social worker but continually the help we asked for never arrived.”. As the couple waited for therapy, they tried their best to carry on until one incident saw Polly hit breaking point.