How can I do more to help my parents when I have a young family of my own? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri
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It’s easy to feel guilty and ‘useless’ but you have options. Be honest with yourself about what you are able to do. A few months ago, my dad went into a care home. The cognitive symptoms of his Parkinson’s were getting worse after 18 years and my mum could no longer look after him at home. The last time my wife and I visited him, I showed Dad some pictures of my son and he just cried in silence. Then we all cried. I knew my parents were getting older, but I am afraid of how much worse it can get. Although important people in my life have died, this feels different.
![[Annalisa Barbieri]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/uploads/2018/01/29/Annalisa_Barbieri,_R.png?width=75&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
I left my country of birth after university and I feel limited in the ways I can help. My mum has started drinking alone and she can’t sleep without benzodiazepines. Other close family members are the same age or have distanced themselves from her. My own family is growing as I have an amazing wife, a funny toddler and a new baby on the way. We live in London and we spend time with our friends. But I can’t hold back intrusive thoughts. For the first time I feel angry about being an only child. I don’t want to impose my sense of loss on my wife at this delicate time. Her parents are healthy and more present in our lives.
I love my parents deeply and I had a beautiful childhood. I try to spend as much time with them as possible, especially with my mum who can travel and spend time at our home, but I still feel I could do more to help them – and myself – in this phase of their lives.
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