I feel happier and healthier when not around my mother When parental relationships fall short of fulfilling our own emotional needs, they can leave us feeling at fault.
When parental relationships fall short of fulfilling our own emotional needs, they can leave us feeling at fault, burdened by guilt and a sense of obligation.
So maybe that guilt, anger, fear or selfishness that you feel isn’t yours, it’s hers; she could be treating you as if you’ve got it, which compounds it.
If it’s projective identification, it would mean your mother disowns intolerable parts of herself and projects them on to you and then treats you as though you have those parts.
You may feel grief about the possibility of estrangement, but grief is not the same as guilt.
