Grief is complex, and can weave its way into every aspect of life. In this week’s sex column, we hear from a reader who moved back in with his parents after a messy divorce. But tragically, eight months later, his mum died. Now, the 32-year-old has met someone new and is keen to move in with her — but he’s worried about leaving his grieving dad all alone. Should he prioritise his own happiness? Or support his father through his loss?.

Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s column about a woman who was rejected by an ex-girlfriend, who left her for the same man not once, but twice. This isn’t exactly a sex problem but put it this way, my love life would be a lot better if it could be sorted out. Eighteen months ago I did what no self-respecting 32-year-old guy wants to do – I moved back in with my parents. I didn’t have much choice, as a messy divorce cleaned me out financially and I could live at home for free.

Everything was great for the first eight months, but then Mum sadly died unexpectedly, leaving me alone with Dad. Her death hit him really hard as she was always the social planner and motivator, and now all he does is mope in his armchair, watching telly. Recently, I met a girl I’ve grown close to. We get on well, enjoy the same things and sex is fantastic. As we’re both in our thirties and don’t want to mess about, things have moved quite quickly and we want to get a place together.

I dreaded telling my father as I know he relies on me for company, and sure enough when I broached the subject, he looked as though he was about to burst into tears. I felt so bad that I backtracked and said it wouldn’t be for a while – which is rubbish, as we want to do it soon. I have three older siblings, all married with children who seem to think it’s fine to leave me with the problem. My dad is only 64, so he should have plenty of living left to do – he just doesn’t want to do it.

Firstly, I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, who sounds as though she was relatively young when she died. I appreciate it will have hit your dad hardest, but remember to prioritise some self-care in all this. You too lost someone dear to you, and only by taking care of yourself can you effectively help others. Your father almost certainly needs counselling because behind this fear of abandonment is the unresolved pain from your mother’s death.

Isn’t not been long and actually, once the shock has settled, it can become harder to cope as reality sets in. Please urge him to phone the Cruse Bereavement Helpline, and Google other support in your area too. As with most things, communication is the key so gently explain that while you understand his wish to have you around, he must learn to stand on his own two feet again. Act with kindness but be firm, and remind yourself that he is your parent, you’re not his. You might feel a little selfish and guilty, but wanting to live elsewhere is not a reflection of your love for him but rather, it’s a way to prioritise your own well-being.

Help your dad develop other support systems, whether through friends, neighbours, or local services. Take him out for a drink sometimes; involve your siblings and work together to divide the responsibilities in a way that feels fair to everyone. They’re only leaving you with the problem because you’re allowing them to. It might feel counter-intuitive, but you living there is doing him no favours. Your dad needs to rebuild his own life and will find a lot out there for him, once he starts looking.

The Cruse Bereavement Care Freephone National Helpline is staffed by trained bereavement volunteers, who offer emotional support to anyone affected by bereavement. They can also help you find your local Cruse service, or signpost you to other services and useful sources of information. The helpline is open Monday-Friday 9.30-5pm (excluding bank holidays), with extended hours on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings, when they are open until 8pm.

The number is 0808 808 1677.​. For more information, visit https://www.cruse.org.uk/. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk. Do you have a story to share?. Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk. Arrow MORE: If you’re thinking of setting your mates up, heed my warning. Arrow MORE: Lecturer drowned after tripping on dangerous footpath and falling into canal.