I’m 32 and making friends has never been harder – or more embarrassing
I’m 32 and making friends has never been harder – or more embarrassing
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Making friends feels effortless in childhood. But when you’re an adult, it can be an arduous and cringe-inducing process. Katie Rosseinsky explores why finding new pals is so tough for grown-ups – and finds out what we can do to make it a bit less awkward.
![[Repeated, unplanned interactions are a key factor in establishing friendship]](https://static.independent.co.uk/2025/01/23/15/newFile-5.jpg)
Want to know a secret? I’d really like to have more friends. For most of my life, this was never something I struggled with – until I turned 30, moved out of London and back to my home city. This shift means I’m much closer to my family, but hundreds of miles and an expensive train ride away from my core network of pals. Since I’ve moved, too, many of them have retreated into coupledom. Now I see “we” rather than “I” in their WhatsApp updates, a semantic shift that tends to mean less time available for mates and more for meeting in-laws and mortgage advisers.
![[The liking gap means that we often believe other people like us less than they actually do]](https://static.independent.co.uk/2025/01/23/15/newFile-6.jpg)
The answer to this predicament, of course, is to make new friends. But that’s easier said than done when even admitting that you’re in need of pals feels horribly exposing. Somehow, being open about looking for romantic love feels socially acceptable, even laudable. But confessing that you’re lacking platonic relationships? It sounds weird, cringe, a bit suspect. And that’s despite the vast swathes of research suggesting that strong friendships are vital for wellbeing, and a predictor for longer, healthier lives.
![[Seeking out interest-specific groups can help you find people who share your passions]](https://static.independent.co.uk/2025/01/23/15/newFile-4.jpg)
Then there’s the truly awkward bit: actually making the effort to meet new people and, horror of horrors, trying to solidify a promising encounter into a future friendship. “Will you be my friend?” might work for seven-year-olds, but doesn’t cut it for me at 32. I don’t particularly want to end up enacting my own gender-flipped reboot of I Love You, Man, the 2009 movie that sees Paul Rudd go friendship hunting after realising that he has no one to fill the role of best man at his wedding.
