MAX PEMBERTON: As a top psychiatrist, I know that 'perfect parents' end up DAMAGING their children. There's one trick to being a good mum or dad - and it's surprisingly easy...
MAX PEMBERTON: As a top psychiatrist, I know that 'perfect parents' end up DAMAGING their children. There's one trick to being a good mum or dad - and it's surprisingly easy...
Share:
I was devastated by Jenni Murray’s piece in last week’s Mail about her lifelong issues with food and weight – caused by her slender, diet-obsessed mother. It prompted me to consider how our parents can have a profound impact on our sense of self.
![[Angelina Jolie has not been shortlisted for an Oscar for her performance in Maria, a biopic about the opera singer Maria Callas, despite its rave reviews]](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2025/01/26/16/94532837-14326757-Angelina_Jolie_has_not_been_shortlisted_for_an_Oscar_for_her_per-a-25_1737910344175.jpg)
What they do and say in our formative years helps determine who we are: they can cause damage that reverberates decades into adulthood, sometimes haunting us for the rest of our days. Conversely, when parents get it right, they can set us up for life. No pressure, then.
![[If you have flu and have been off work, you should still stay home for 24 hours after symptoms stop, and 48 hours with norovirus, to avoid passing it on to colleagues]](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2025/01/26/15/94532963-14326757-image-m-5_1737905984101.jpg)
Yet parents hardly ever receive any expert guidance on how not to mess up their children. Even the most well-meaning and thoughtful ones are blindly bumbling along, doing what they can and hoping for the best. Many like Jenni’s late mother are dealing with profound issues themselves and unwittingly or otherwise pass them on to their children.
One of the most damaging traits parents can have is endeavouring to be too perfect – trying to control their children so everything goes exactly how they think it should. And it’s this approach – and the loss of agency the child experiences as a result – that is at the root of so many problems I see when that child grows up into an adult.
I’ve come across many parents who are mindful of the profound impact they can have on their offspring – but have, ironically, messed up precisely because they want to make sure they do it ‘just right’. One of the most damaging traits parents can have is endeavouring to be too perfect - trying to control their children so everything goes exactly how they think it should.
Share:
More for You
