Voices: I’ve lost a friend because I can’t stand her terrible boyfriend
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The Independent’s agony aunt Victoria Richards is here to help. Email dearvix@independent.co.uk for advice on love, work, family and relationships. Dear Vix,. I’ve fallen out with one of my oldest and dearest friends – because of her awful boyfriend. I can’t stand him – and she knows that. So does he.
I have good reason: he’s treated her terribly... he’s cheated on her (and others before her); he’s been abusive towards her and calls her names; he doesn’t work or contribute anything to the household bills – he doesn’t even bother getting out of bed to take the kids to school, even though she’s working full-time and he isn’t.
I could understand, perhaps, if he was a nice guy and just having a few struggles, but he’s not even that. He barely looks up when I go round to see my friend – he’s rude and gruff and constantly on his phone. I have no proof, but I just know he is cheating on her. Why wouldn’t he, when he knows he can get away with it? He’s done it before and she forgave him.
I don’t understand why she is allowing herself to be treated this way and why she stays with him. I’ve been there for her through every terrible row; I’ve been to the police with her about him before and I’ve helped her gather the courage to leave him dozens of times. But she always goes back.
I just can’t take it anymore – I can’t bear seeing this happen over and over again to someone I love. To tell you the truth, I actually can’t stand discussing it time and time again when nothing changes. It’s so repetitive and frustrating. When I tried to explain how I felt about it, she said, “I don’t understand why you hate him so much” – and I was speechless. I just stared at her like she was an alien. It feels like she’s trying to completely erase history and pretend nothing has happened.
