Voices: I’m in love with a married man who says he’ll leave his wife
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The Independent’s agony aunt Victoria Richards is here to help. Email dearvix@independent.co.uk for advice on love, work, family and relationships. Dear Vix,. My boyfriend is the perfect man – he’s funny, kind, generous, affectionate and makes me feel like a rare and precious jewel when we are together. He’s a good few years older than me but we have the same taste in music, in films and can be silly or serious together. I know he loves me and would do anything for me… but there’s just one snag: he’s married.
He can’t leave right now because financially, things are tough – but he’s been putting money away each month in an “escape fund”. He also has kids – a daughter who’s too young to understand and a son who has disabilities. He knows how much it will affect them if he’s not at home. His wife isn’t interested – they haven’t been intimate in years, but he’s worried that she’ll want full custody of the kids. He loves me but he’s so frightened of losing his family.
The thing is, it’s been five years and being kept a ‘secret’ is really affecting my confidence and my mental health. I just want to be able to walk down the street holding hands with the man I love and stop spending all my wages driving for miles to stay at hotels at the other end of the country to be with him (we split the costs, but it’s difficult). He says he will leave when the time is right – and I believe him – but I’m worried that it will take so long that I’ll lose myself in the process. Please help.
