After years of bad sex, my husband's libido suddenly returned. I was thrilled… until I found out the reason

A year ago, my husband Steve and I treated ourselves to a mini break in Mallorca. As someone who takes pride in my appearance – I go to the gym most days to maintain my figure – I had packed a carefully curated holiday wardrobe, including some new lacy lingerie.

I hadn’t quite banked on the extent of Steve’s enthusiasm for the latter. In defiance of his age – he’s 68 and I’m 63 – he scooped me up in his arms and an hour later we were still intertwined beneath the sheets. His full-throttle enthusiasm for lovemaking was more athletic twentysomething than greying retiree.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it. But it was a distinct gear change compared to recent years; our once-vigorous love life had taken a bit of a nosedive in our 60s. When I joked that it was like being back in bed with the Steve of 25 years earlier, he was utterly delighted with himself. He certainly didn’t breathe a word about there being a secret reason for the about-turn.

In fact, I have only recently got to the bottom of it. Namely Steve’s secret stash of Viagra. The same erectile dysfunction drug that I’d joked, back when it first hit the shelves in 1998, would never be required in my marriage. Such was Steve’s libido and our mutual attraction.

How wrong I was... You may well laugh, but the discovery came as a terrible shock. A tsunami of feelings washed over me at the sight of those little blue pills. Hurt, betrayal, confusion and sadness. As many as 55 per cent of men aged 40 to 70 use Viagra - and 17 per cent of men over 60 do so without telling their partners.

It felt like something important had been lost – and not just trust because he’d kept it from me. In the moment that I saw the pills, my previously unshakeable belief that my husband still found me attractive, despite the effects of ageing, crumbled – and with it my self-confidence. Not to mention my confidence in our marriage.

Such was the hurt I felt that the discovery even led to me actively flirt with other men – yes, in front of Steve – to try to prove to myself that I still held some allure. I know how selfish and vain this might make me sound, but how would you feel if you discovered your spouse was reliant on chemical assistance to make love to you? And that he didn’t even have the decency to tell you?.

To make matters worse, I’d been genuinely thrilled by his renewed interest in me; it had been such an ego boost. So to discover it was synthetic, entirely fake, was really devastating. The sting still lingers. I take some solace from the fact that we’re far from alone: apparently as many as 55 per cent of men aged 40 to 70 use Viagra – and 17 per cent of men over 60 do so without telling their partners.

Admittedly, some of my fellow sexagenarians might feel relieved when their husband’s libido abates with age. But I don’t fall into that tired old cliche; intimacy has always been important to me, and I’ll admit to having felt a bit smug when my friends confessed that their sex lives had long waned.

I was 18 when I lost my virginity to a devoted boyfriend, who was for ever telling me how attractive I was. I enjoyed the effect I had on him, the feeling of power. When our relationship ended in my 20s, I was more than happy to use my sexual appeal to my advantage in day-to-day life, wearing figure-hugging dresses that showed off my body, particularly my long legs. I adored the cache of seeing men look at me as I walked around the office. And I became confident that I knew how to satisfy a man in the bedroom.

Steve and I met through a mutual friend when I was 35 and he was 40. Both civil servants, we’d also both been married before. My first marriage was a classic case of getting tied down too young. We divorced after a decade, having grown in different directions.

Steve was a breath of fresh air. He’s a funny, self-deprecating kind of guy, happy to listen to me yap on. It helped that Steve was enthusiastic about my looks, especially as he was very good-looking himself. Neither of us had or wanted children, so were able to give each other our undivided attention. We had equally matched libidos and matrimony did little to dampen our desire for one another.

Erectile dysfunction is still very much a taboo. Yes, we titter at the mention of Viagra, but do we ever really discuss what it’s like for the man who needs it, or a wife whose husband starts taking it, writes Elizabeth Smith (file image). It wasn’t until the menopause arrived when I was 50 that our daily love-making began to falter. Suddenly my moods were all over the place: I’d be teary, overreacting at Steve not paying me enough attention or melting down over what to cook for dinner. Life felt overwhelming.

As for my body, my breasts swelled and the fat on my tummy and thighs appeared almost overnight. I wasn’t eating or drinking any differently and yet here I was transforming into a matronly woman I didn’t recognise. It was shattering to feel I was losing my looks and sexual allure which had previously been so important to me.