Child psychologist shares ‘radical’ bedtime tip for parents

If you’re a parent, you’ll know all too well the frustration of trying to get your child to go to bed. But what if you didn’t have to lose out on sleep purely because your kids would rather stay up into the early hours watching TV?. A child psychologist could have the answer, admitting that while her tip may be ‘radical,’ it’s worth a try.

Speaking on Joe Marler’s Things People Do podcast, Dr Anna Colton was asked quite simply: ‘What can I do to get them to go to bed?’ by Tom Fordyce, a dad at his wits’ end. Her response? Perhaps not what you’d expect, but one that certainly poses food for thought: ‘You could go to bed,’ she said.

Understandably, she was met with gasps and raised eyebrows as Marler probed: ‘What, just leave them?’. To view this video please enable JavaScript, and consider upgrading to a web browser that supports HTML5 video. Up Next. Upon learning that Fordyce’s children are 11 and 13, she explained that, at these ages, they ‘know how to go to bed.’.

On how this can help to tackle any possible late-night tantrums in the long run, she acknowledged that to begin with, the children may take full advantage of that bedtime autonomy and wake up ‘knackered’ the next day. ‘But on the other hand, it can be in your toolbox,’ she stated. ‘You could try it and see what happens, just as an experiment.’.

Expanding on her hypothesis, Dr Anna tells Metro that, as hard as one may try, you ‘cannot force your children to go to bed.’ In fact, fighting about it will only make things worse. ‘So instead, being very straightforward and saying, “I’m tired so I’m going to bed now” or “I’m going to bed at 9 so if you’d like me to put you to bed or tuck you in, it’ll need to be before 9” are logical consequences.’.

She adds that neither of these approaches is ‘punitive’, meaning a consequence that aims to punish and doesn’t make sense, such as warning your child they won’t get pudding for a week if they don’t go to bed immediately. ‘The suggestion I make is logical and not punitive at all. It makes sense and has no anger attached. It holds the boundary and removes the need to negotiate, bribe, or cajole.

‘Logical consequences are the way forward in all parenting.’. Of course, this parenting tactic is relative to your child and their age. Dr Anna believes that as long as it’s a ‘safe’ method and your child is ‘old enough to understand’, then it’s available to use.

‘Young children will probably run to bed just before you if they realise you will follow through, and older children will usually do similarly. It’s also wise to remove any tech or turn off the Wi-Fi if your kids are putting themselves to bed.’. But what happens the following day? Well, discussions might need to be had if your child slinks downstairs lethargic and complaining, but doing so should be straightforward.

Dr Anna instructs you to validate what your child is feeling and take it from there. For example: ‘I get you’re annoyed with me because I went to bed before you last night and you had to put yourself to bed.’. Ultimately, your child grappling with sleep is often an inevitable aspect of their development. Dr Anna says defying boundaries can be part of their ascent into adulthood as a child works out who they are and how to be independent.

‘This means they have to experiment with things like bedtime and learn what works for them.’. So, next time your kids are adamant that they’re staying up, watching YouTube or gaming with friends, a more unconventional approach could be the gateway to the slumber you’ve been craving.

Dr Anna’s new book, How to Talk to Children about Food, shares advice and guidance on how to develop your child’s positive relationship with food. Here, she shares long-held food beliefs among parents, that you might want to reconsider…. Limiting pudding to dinnertime.

‘Offering pudding with a main course or as a snack works because it removes the need to negotiate or bribe around sweet food at dinnertime. ‘It also prevents a food hierarchy developing with vegetables or a main course being set up as less desirable than the sweet food you don’t want your children to eat.’.

Banning foods including sugar. ‘Being introduced to sugar is inevitable if it’s not allowed at home, they’re more likely to seek it elsewhere and then overeat it because they’re not sure when they’ll be able to have it again.’. Assigning foods a moral value.

‘I don’t recommend labelling any food as good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, rubbish or junk, etc. We need to be food neutral which means that all food is food. ‘Giving foods their proper names prevents food from becoming a moral or emotional issue, which is protective of mental health and protective against disordered eating and eating disorders.’.