I blamed mum for toxic spats thinking she was hard work – NOW I know the truth… we are exactly the same

THE new TV show Amandaland is set to become another ratings winner for the BBC – and that is because so many of us will be able to relate to it. It is a spin-off of the massively popular sitcom Motherland, which had a whole nation of mums and dads howling as the antics of the school-gate politics resonated with so many. Two of the show’s star characters return — Amanda, played by Lucy Punch, and her mother Felicity, portrayed by Joanna Lumley.

They have a difficult relationship because they are both overbearing mums, with similar personalities. Millions of us know what it is like to have a difficult relationship with our mothers. I know I did. My mum sadly died in 2007 at just 56. But every time my dad sees me being demanding, laughing with my son or weeping yet again at Call The Midwife, he says fondly: “Your mother will never be dead as long as you are alive.”.

And that makes me happy. But if he had said that to me while she was still alive, I would have been furious, outraged — even horrified — at the suggestion that we were so alike. Our relationship was far from straightforward. I thought she could be difficult, hard work, stroppy and opinionated. But then so could I. At times it could be toxic. But all these years later, especially now that I am a mum myself, I realise that, yes, just like Amanda and Felicity in Amandaland, Mum and I are, in so many ways, exactly the same.

And that is why we clashed. Experts have carried out decades of research about why the mother-daughter relationship is so complex and packed with conflict. Independence, attachment, different experiences of growing up and even ­jealousy all play a part. I can see a lot of that in me and Mum. And I see it with my friends who are still very lucky to have theirs — but often don’t realise it. They have screaming rows, block them from their phones and refuse to patch up their differences for days on end.

Then suddenly it is all OK and Granny is babysitting again. We often see a very different story on social media, though. We see the airbrushed “best friends who party together” version, those who enjoy cosy family lunches and support each other at work. We see the happy celebrity dynamics of Victoria Beckham and Harper, Kate Moss and Lila, Gwyneth Paltrow and Apple. And that can make us struggle even more with our own difficult relationships.

Davina McCall is one of the few who has bravely admitted she had a difficult relationship with her mother. Her mum, Florence Kock, was an alcoholic and abandoned her at the age of three to return to her home country of France. But the TV host still said: “There’s a lot of my mum in me.”. When her mother died, Davina had finally forgiven her but she didn’t go to the funeral. Experts say that for some people their mother-daughter relationship can be so damaging or even dangerous that they should not be healed.

Studies have found that conflict can lead to parents and their children cutting each other off completely and at least one in 20 of us does not speak to our mother at all. That’s why Amandaland could be therapy for many of us who may just realise our mother-daughter relationships aren’t so bad after all. And maybe those who are estranged could even hold out an olive branch and have a laugh at the TV together.

This week, following her brain surgery, brave Davina spoke out again with some home truths. She reminded us all that life can be cut short so easily, saying: “If there’s something you want to do, do it.” It makes perfect sense. I wish before Mum died I’d told her more often just how much I loved her and said sorry for always thinking I was right. But more than anything, I wish I’d been able to appreciate before she’d gone that much of what I am is thanks to her.

I HAVE always thought Dame Anna Wintour, Vogue’s big boss, was glamorous, chic and respected. But I also considered her a bit of a miserable bag who was hiding something behind those massive sunnies. However, when she took them off this week, thanks to royal protocol, as she was made a Companion of Honour by the King for services to fashion, she looked amazing. All smiley and sparkly eyed. Plus barely a wrinkle around those peepers, at age 75.

It may still be February but, until I’m invited to the Palace, I am going to take her lead, dig out my sunglasses and get in Vogue. LESS than half of GP appointments are now with an actual doctor – no surprise there. New NHS figures show patients are increasingly “fobbed off” with other staff as most local surgery consultations are now carried out by nurses, pharmacists and physician associates.

Of 329million recorded appointments last year, only 162.5million – 49 per cent – were conducted by GPs. Last year, at my surgery, I saw a friendly female GP and wanted to book in with her again. But I can’t. When I tried, the practice’s website sent me to the NHS app. But when I went on there I couldn’t book with that GP. So I went down the old-fashioned route and rang the surgery. The receptionist thought I’d gone nuts, telling me they couldn’t possibly, under any circumstances, make me an appointment.