I thought the menopause had destroyed my libido for good but I am having the best sex of my life at 63 - here's how you can too

You might not guess at first why a 60-something like me still has such a youthful swing to her hips – nor why a smile plays across my lips so often as I read messages on my phone. On the outside, I’m the picture of respectability: bouncy blow-dry, smart tailored outfits, successful business and desirable address in an upmarket enclave of north-west London. So you might assume the most exciting thing in my weekend schedule is a Waitrose shop and a glass of Sauvignon. But my thrills are rather more daring than that.

Twenty years ago, in my 40s, I wrote an anonymous book that caused a stir with its scandalous tales of my sexual exploration. And now, at 63, I’m enjoying sex that is just as pleasurable as it was in my youth – if not better. Whether it’s a mind-blowing rendezvous with my lover or new experiences with multiple partners, my 60s have heralded a sexual smorgasbord of delights. Take the recent occasion when I was offered a sensual massage by a professional masseur, which turned into a particularly thrilling sexual encounter.

Why am I telling you all this now? Because ten years ago I was floundering, with very little love life at all. The menopause had utterly sapped my libido and my vigour in the bedroom, and I honestly believed I would never feel like having sex again. Best-selling author Suzanne Noble says her 60s have heralded a sexual smorgasbord of delights. Ms Noble says she realised that intimacy didn’t have to revolve solely around penetrative sex.

I’m living proof that even the most sexually vivacious of women can be laid low by midlife hormonal changes. And I can’t emphasise enough what a knock it was to my confidence to find myself so sexually depleted. I barely recognised myself as my whole identity had been built upon an image of myself as a confident, sensual being. It took me years to reignite my confidence and desire. But I did it, and now I’m on a mission to show women – and men – just how invigorating and fulfilling intimacy can be at any age.

I’m writing under my real name for the first time to show that you can reclaim the sexual power you fear is lost after menopause. My interest in sex was ignited in my early 40s, after a monogamous ten-year marriage to my children’s father ended in divorce. While we were together, my sex life had been of the vanilla, missionary position, once-a-week type, and for the final four years we didn’t have sex at all.

But the end of our marriage coincided with the arrival of the internet. I enjoyed six months of dates with men I encountered online, then met a man named Daniel who became my next partner. He was incredibly sexual, and he awoke a response in me. During the two and a half years we were together, he opened up a world of sexual pleasure and experimentation that I hadn’t known existed . . . including inviting others to join us in bed, something that had only featured in my most secret fantasies.

Our time together changed my attitude to sex and set the tone for the next decade of my life. With my sexual appetite raging – something I’ve now learned is common for women in their 40s as your body sees it as the last-chance saloon for procreation – I decided I didn’t want another serious relationship, but instead wanted to explore every sexual fantasy I’d ever had. In 2006, aged 45, I published a book – The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker – which chronicled my insatiable appetite for sex and the daring liaisons I sought out.

Written under the pseudonym Suzanne Portnoy to protect my then-teenage sons, the book was a candid exploration of my hedonistic adventures, including taking part in the swinging scene and other alternative sexual lifestyles. I had threesomes, foursomes and more. I went on naturist holidays and took tantric lessons. My most memorable encounter was a threesome with a long-time swinging partner and his friend, during which we all orgasmed simultaneously.

While there were some who tried to dismiss the book as merely salacious, undeniably it struck a chord, sparking conversations about female sexuality that I believe were long overdue. My inbox was full of emails from committed couples who credited my book with revitalising their sex lives. It went on to become a bestseller, printed in multiple languages, and was republished in 2013 following the success of Fifty Shades Of Grey.

I’ve certainly never regretted my decision to test the boundaries of my sexual desires. Although I recognise many people have no interest in exploring non-monogamy, as a single, 40-something woman I wasn’t hurting anyone. I practised safe sex and was focused on pleasure rather than emotional connection at that time. I always tell single women, if you’re going to explore your sexuality, your 40s are the best time to do it because you have the benefit of emotional maturity, sex appeal and stamina.