WHEN midlife hits, many of us find ourselves juggling more responsibilities than a circus clown. Between managing careers, families and never-ending to-do lists, it’s no wonder that once fiery bedroom antics can start to feel as sleepy as Sunday afternoon TV. Almost a third of midlife couples — 29 per cent — in long-term relationships describe their sex life as “dissatisfying”, while 65 per cent of those in their 50s have sex once a week or less.

But don’t fret — if you’re feeling like a spare part in the romance department, you are certainly not alone. I’ve worked with countless couples facing a midlife lull in their sex lives, and trust me, a slowdown doesn’t have to be the new normal. With just a little insight, honesty and some actionable steps, you and your partner can reignite the spark that once had you both swinging from the chandeliers.

I CAN’T tell you how often I hear couples complain that they’re simply too exhausted to have sex. Long days at work, hectic family schedules and general pressures of life can leave you feeling you’ve run a marathon before getting to bed. Up to 33 per cent of couples say they are “too tired” for sex, which rises to 40 per cent for those whose kids still live at home. When your batteries are drained, even the thought of intimacy can feel like just one more chore.

I always advise couples to think of sex as an energy-giving activity rather than another drain on their resources. Start by prioritising rest and relaxation, and set a bedtime that gives enough downtime to decompress. If that means switching off the TV or scheduling intimate time at a different time of day — mornings, anyone? — go for it. Remember, fatigue kills libido. Investing in quality rest can give you the spark you need to embrace each other more passionately.

IT’S easy for couples to slip into a comfortable routine, especially by midlife. You run the household together, share the bills, parent the kids and become each other’s best friend. While that closeness is lovely, it can also blur the lines between lover and flatmate — which is sadly how 23 per cent of midlife couples would describe their partner. If you have fallen into a routine that’s more about whose turn it is to take out the bins than it is about connecting romantically, don’t be surprised if sex slips off the radar.

Make a conscious effort to date each other again. Plan nights out that involve doing something new or nostalgic, like revisiting your first date spot. Dress up, flirt shamelessly and remind yourselves that you’re not just partners in crime, you’re lovers. Shaking up the routine with an occasional spontaneous weekend away can also do wonders for reconnecting romantically. WHETHER it’s your partner’s new colleague who is always impeccably dressed or your own charming gym instructor, it’s not uncommon for eyes — and sometimes minds — to wander.

Midlife can bring a craving for novelty, and that can result in fleeting crushes or emotional connections outside of your relationship. In fact, one in five of those in long-term relationships confess they have developed a crush on someone who isn’t their partner. While a crush might seem harmless, it can plant seeds of doubt or a distance that derails your sex life. Firstly, recognise that a crush often points to something lacking in your current dynamic — maybe it’s excitement, attention or just a spark.

Acknowledge those feelings rather than shaming yourself or your partner. Openly discuss what might be missing in your relationship and work on injecting that missing piece. Turning towards your partner and reigniting your connection can often dissolve the allure of someone else. AFTER years of knowing each other’s bodies and moves inside and out, it is easy to slip into sexual autopilot. If intimacy has become predictable — same position, same time, same outcome — your brain might switch off simply because it’s all so familiar.

You know you love each other, but your body craves stimulation and variety. Don’t worry, you don’t have to book a skydiving session to spice things up (unless that’s your thing!). Start small — try a new location in the house, experiment with different lighting or music, and be open to toys or role-play if you’re both comfortable. Communicate your fantasies and listen to your partner’s. Often the sheer act of discussing new ideas can rekindle that sense of adventure.

WE’VE all been there — you plan an early night of romance, only to find yourself in bed scrolling through social media, playing a game on your phone or firing off a late-night work email. Technology has this uncanny ability to worm its way into every moment of our lives, and it’s not exactly an aphrodisiac. In a survey, one in five admitted that their bedtime screen habits reduced the frequency of sex with their partner.