It's the ultimate taboo. I haven't spoken to my mother in five years and I never will again. Here's why...
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At an art gallery recently, I noticed two women walking arm in arm, laughing. The younger one was about my age, and the older one had to be her mother, they looked so alike. As I walked around the exhibition, I found myself watching them, studying their easy intimacy like it was one of the priceless paintings on the wall.
![[Parental estrangement is surprisingly common. According to charity Stand Alone there are five million people estranged from their family in the UK]](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2024/07/28/19/87867863-13681307-Parental_estrangement_is_surprisingly_common_According_to_Stand_-m-6_1722191831578.jpg)
Indeed, to me, a mother-daughter relationship like that feels just as unobtainable and precious. The fact is, I haven't spoken to my own mother in more than five years. People are usually shocked when they find out I'm estranged from my mum by choice. 'But she's your mother?' they will often say, shaking their heads in pity, as if the biological fact of her giving birth to me must trump any possible reason why we don't speak. A few have patronisingly explained that nobody's parents are perfect, or reminded me she won't be around for ever and I surely wouldn't want to have regrets.
![[Davina McCall is one of the only celebrities to have spoken openly about cutting her mother out of her life]](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2024/07/28/19/87867861-13681307-Davina_McCall_is_one_of_the_only_celebrities_to_have_spoken_open-m-7_1722191843308.jpg)
Society fetishises motherhood so much that my decision not to be in touch with mine feels like the ultimate taboo, says the anonymous writer (file image). No doubt it comes from a well-meaning — if privileged — place of having a good relationship with their own parents, but it's exhausting to have to justify my decision constantly.
![[Meanwhile singer Adele is estranged from her father after he separated from her mother]](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2024/07/28/19/87867857-13681307-Singer_Adele_is_also_estranged_from_her_father-m-8_1722191853406.jpg)
That's why every time the topic of my parents comes up with someone new, I brace myself. Normally, I give an evasive answer like, 'My mum's not around any more' and hope they presume she's dead or get the hint that I don't want to talk about her. If the question comes up with someone I'm becoming closer to, I will try to explain why I had to cut off all contact with my mum, but it's a hard thing to describe succinctly —and without crying.
