My husband and I were months away from welcoming our IVF baby. Then after the ultrasound he said the unthinkable - and I'll never forgive him
Share:
A month ago, my husband and I went away for a weekend break. The hotel we were staying in had organised an Easter egg hunt for the families with children, and watching the delight on one little girl's face caused a familiar, terrible cascade of emotion. A torrent of grief and regret, which I struggled to hide.
![[Statistically, using a donor to conceive is usually the more successful option]](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2025/01/08/04/84482583-13712365-Statistically_using_a_donor_to_conceive_is_usually_the_more_succ-a-18_1736308821448.jpg)
It was the little girl's age that provoked it. She was seven, as I discovered when she told the receptionist while we waited to check in behind her family. The same age my daughter would be now - had I not had the termination which ended my chance of ever having a child.
![[Before the war, when Ukraine's fertility 'industry' was still one of the largest in Europe, the process of using a donor egg was fairly speedy compared with other countries]](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/1s/2025/01/08/04/84482591-13712365-Before_the_war_when_Ukraine_s_fertility_industry_was_still_one_o-a-17_1736308821331.jpg)
Plenty of women terminate accidental pregnancies, of course, and either go on to regret it or never give it a second thought. But this was no accident. The pregnancy I ended happened as a result of IVF. What's more - and worse I suppose if that were possible - is that I blame my husband for it all. It is his fault I will never have a child like that lovely little girl? How did I get myself into this situation in my life, where I am married to a man who I both love with all my heart and resent to the point of fury?.
Plenty of women terminate accidental pregnancies and either go on to regret it or never give it a second thought. Alex and I are both 47 and met at university. We spent our twenties and early thirties working abroad, producing documentaries, and, at that point, both wanted a family. During half-hearted discussions, we agreed that we'd start one in our mid-thirties and so, after my 36th birthday, we started trying.
