Stuck in the middle: advice on bringing up babies and caring for your parents
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Believe it or not, you know more about babies than you think – and try to have fun with your mum and dad. Advice from the experts for the ‘sandwich generation’. My father doesn’t give much advice, which is a bit of a pisser considering he should know more about parenting than any man alive. He raised 11 children, and did most of that as a solo parent after my mum died tragically young. While she was alive, my parents supplemented their existing family responsibilities by fostering half a dozen children alongside their own, some for years at a time. He should, by rights, be a repository of information, the end-boss of disapproving dads needling me over every misstep and false start.
![[ ]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/b0a89eb2081ff3a17bdade7e4e91934636243c5d/1141_280_1734_1734/master/1734.jpg?width=120&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
He is not. He is stringently, almost frustratingly, loath to wade in with advice, even when prompted to do so. In six years of being a dad, I’ve only managed to record a tiny smattering of guidance he’s offered, scattered in my direction like gems from a reluctant king. First among those is his famous contention that “babies bounce”. He means this, more in consolation than recommendation, as a descriptor of infants’ incredible ability to persevere, and an inducement to worry less about all the horrible things that can, and will, happen to them.
![[As with parenting your own children, the key to almost everything is to have fun together.]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/d4ebdbb931e3b3aebd42670ed9e29215966dd3fe/0_2_8083_4853/master/8083.jpg?width=445&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
As for prohibitions, it was only under extreme duress that he eventually confessed that he distrusts “baby talk” and doesn’t see the point in speaking nonsense to children. Instantly, his penchant for delivering lectures to his grandchildren about the drainage of nearby fields, or the correct way to install a septic tank, made perfect sense. Other than that, any advice offered has been limited to assurances that everything will be alright, or perhaps a stern telling off when one of our children messes with the sacred contents of his fridge.
![[ ]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/6048142b452395b4b8f8f57525a0dda36808efd0/190_175_1646_1645/master/1646.jpg?width=120&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
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