Q I’m dreading the festive season as it means spending time with my husband. I used to enjoy his company, but these days he barely seems to notice me. He’s wedded to his phone, either obsessively watching the news or engrossed in work emails – even playing games.
I wondered if he was having an affair and secretly sexting another woman. However, I know his phone password so I checked his messages and could find no evidence. Please don’t tell me I was wrong to do this – I needed to know why he seems uninterested in me.
We hardly ever have sex. When I try to talk to him about his phone addiction, he says I’m trying to control him. His parents are coming to stay for three nights over Christmas and we will be forced to be jolly for their sake as well as the children’s, but I just don’t feel a connection with him any more.
. A Sadly, the behaviour of your husband does suggest smartphone addiction – especially his anger when you tell him how much it bothers you. First, it’s important to understand the possible causes. Phone addiction can be symptomatic of other problems such as stress, loneliness, anxiety and depression. Heavy smartphone use will, of course, exacerbate these issues because it cuts off real-life connection, which in turn increases anxiety and depression. But the question is whether your relationship has declined because of his unavailability or whether there has been a gradual lack of connection resulting in him withdrawing. Perhaps there was too much stress in the early years of child rearing, a major event such as a bereavement or pressure at work.
