Dear Coleen. I’m a guy in my early-20s and I feel responsible for my parents splitting up. A couple of months ago, I found some messages between my dad and another woman. I wasn’t snooping on him – I never suspected he was having an affair – but I borrowed his laptop with his consent and he’d left the messages up on the screen.
The messages were intimate and sexual, and I was so upset and angry that I blurted it out to my mum without thinking about the consequences. Long story short, she went mad, threw him out and cried for days. My dad turned up one day, begging for forgiveness, so I weighed in and told him to f*** off and never come back.
I said the entire family hated him, as well as loads of other stuff, which I’m not proud of and have come to regret. It’s been several weeks now since it all blew up and my dad isn’t seeing this woman any more, and my mum is still broken hearted. What my dad did was wrong, but I think I could have handled things better for everyone concerned and I worry I’ve messed things up between him and me.
We used to be close, but now he’s staying away. I wish none of this had happened and all I want is for my parents to get back together, but I don’t think it’s on the cards. My mum is too hurt. I’d love some advice. Coleen says. You seem to be blaming yourself for this and it’s not your fault – you had an emotional reaction to these messages. Your dad is the one who’s messed up and let you all down. It’s shocking and upsetting to discover something like this, and you don’t know how you’ll react until it happens.
