I feel guilty for having an emotional affair. How do I continue in my long-term relationship? | Leading questions
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You don’t have to run screaming from this experience, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith. Focus instead on how you’ll handle the attraction from here. I’ve been in a happy relationship for eight years. I have always felt extremely lucky to have met someone so suited to me so young, and many friends and family have remarked on what a special connection we have.
This sense of security was rattled recently when I met someone towards whom I felt an immediate and strong attraction. The attraction was not just physical. This new person and I had many shared interests and conversation chemistry. I felt an intense desire to keep them in my life, hoping the attraction would die down. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work like this – the more I talked to them, the more the feelings developed. After exchanging long messages daily, it dawned on me that I was having an emotional affair.
I decided to cut contact, saying I felt our contact was a betrayal of my partner. This involved admitting my feelings and being told they were reciprocated. Now I’m left trying to figure out what happened and how guilty I should be. I feel terrified of telling my partner in case it leads to insecurity and mistrust. At the same time, I feel sad that this new connection, which felt so unique and special, had to die out before it even really begun.
I’m in my early 30s but I suddenly feel much younger. Do you have any advice about how to manage this situation morally or emotionally?. Eleanor says: It’s very unlikely that in a long relationship you’ll never once feel attracted to anyone else. It’s not the having of the crush that betrays your partner in monogamous relationships, it’s the way you interact with it.
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