‘It was really not cool to use me as a free party planner‘. In the anonymous letter titled “Bachelorette Burn,” the friend expressed her disappointment and confusion. “I’d been asked by a friend to organize her bachelorette party, and after getting all of it underway, was not asked to be in the wedding party or have a role in the ceremony,” she wrote. The friend added that she had “assumed” she would play a significant part in the wedding, considering it is “a norm.”.
What made the exclusion sting more was the fact that the wedding party wasn’t restricted to family members. “It feels like I’ve been had,” she shared. “I’ve fronted the money, and have already booked everything for the wedding itself and certainly don’t want to blow anything up over it. I’m hurt, but I don’t know how to proceed.”.
The woman explained that she had considered addressing the situation directly but hesitated as the bride was backpacking in Europe and unavailable for a phone call. She repeatedly wrote and deleted an email outlining her feelings but couldn’t bring herself to send it.
Columnist Carolyn Hax empathized with the friend, calling the situation “wow-worthy” and offering potential explanations. Hax wrote: “The only possible explanations I’ve got are scary entitlement or some goofy notion of this as your ‘role.’ Whatever it is, I’m sorry.”.
She praised the advice-seeker for pausing before acting and suggested continuing to draft letters to process her emotions. “Use paper or word-processing software, though, not email, so there’s zero chance of a premature send. Otherwise, just live your life. Thoughts are great at organizing themselves if we give them room,” Hax advised.
