DOES even the idea of handing in your notice or telling someone how you really feel make your heart race and your hands go clammy?. Unfortunately, there are some chats in life that are unavoidable, but preparation can make them a little less daunting. Communication coach Amira Mansour says that timing is everything, too. “Avoid any hard conversation when the other person is busy, feeling overwhelmed or distracted,” she says.

Here’s how to navigate those difficult conversations. . . You’re Breaking up. Building the courage to end a relationship can be nerve-wracking and something you end up delaying. First, warn them of the upcoming conversation. “It gives the other person a heads-up,” says Amira. She suggests saying: “I’ve been thinking recently and I’d like to have an honest conversation about our relationship.”.

Non-verbal cues, such as body language, facial expressions, intonation and volume carry more weight when conveying your message than your words. Maintain eye contact, uncross your arms and nod as they respond. “Focus on open body language that conveys empathy and compassion for how they may be feeling in this moment,” says Amira. “Take a pause and remain at your usual conversational pace.”. If you’re being broken up with, Amira says: “You don’t need to respond in the moment.”.

Ask questions if you want more clarity, but if you need a time-out, take one. You’ve Been Unfaithful. Fessing up to being unfaithful is undoubtedly one of the most challenging conversations you could ever have, but with research suggesting roughly 20% of Brits have cheated, it’s relatively common.*. When broaching the conversation, Amira suggests saying: “I want to talk to you about something that’s difficult to acknowledge. Have you got time for us to discuss this now? Last month, I was unfaithful. I take full responsibility and I’m so sorry for hurting you like this.”.

Your partner’s response will dictate how the rest of the conversation will go, but focus on listening. “Remember, you’ve had time to process how you feel, so this isn’t new information for you, but it is for them,” Amira says. “Expect a range of reactions – they’re allowed to feel how they feel. Space is key and don’t overexplain, justify or blame in this initial conversation.”. You’re Quitting Your Job.

Whether you are leaving on good terms or not, you want this conversation to be professional, as you don’t know how your paths will cross in the future. “Opt for a face-to-face conversation if possible or a video call as an alternative,” says Amira. “While you might need to write a formal resignation letter, it’s impersonal and communicating in this way leaves the door wide open for miscommunication.”.

To help reduce pre-conversation panic, focus on how well it could go and how relieved you will feel after. You’re Being Made Redundant. You’re likely to feel shocked and also angry, and if you’re caught off-guard, it can be difficult to stay calm. Amira says that although it feels personal, try not to react that way. “There’s a reason it’s happened – maybe it’s to push you to take your next career move,” she says.

Focus on listening rather than talking, then ask questions to clarify what you’re entitled to. “Try to reframe your mindset around redundancy,” says Amira. “Avoid hiding what’s happening, as then people can’t recommend you for other roles. Connect with colleagues in your industry, let people know on LinkedIn, and remember that your next career move might be better than you’ve imagined.”.

You Want A Pay Rise. It’s important to have the facts to hand – solely being a hard worker doesn’t always equate to an increase in salary. You need to pull out the big guns. “This is where your persuasion, influencing and negotiation skills come into play,” says Amira. “Think about creating a business case that makes it a no-brainer for your boss to say yes.”. Include evidence of your contributions to the company – individual achievements, exceeding your targets and additional responsibilities – and market research of your job’s salary.

“Lean forward during the meeting, as it can convey that you’re taking this seriously,” says Amira. “Show your appreciation for the opportunity to discuss this and remember to set a time frame to follow up on your initial conversation,” she adds. You Can’t Attend An Event. Weddings, birthday lunches and baby showers – you can’t do them all. If you know you won’t be able to attend an occasion, whether it be due to existing plans, money worries or something else, don’t delay the conversation.

“The more you put it off, the more it can come across that this wasn’t important to you,” says Amira. “Try saying: ‘I’ve been looking forward to your hen do, but I’ve realised I’m not going to be able to make it because of. . .’ ”. A face-to-face conversation is best, or at least a phone call or voice note so your friend can hear your tone, so you come across how you intend to.