‘I am a ripe and juicy peach!’ 15 things I’ve learned about love in 15 years of being single
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I have been dating since I was 21 and it has taught me a lot about friendship, hope, heartache and myself. Here are the greatest lessons (and joys) of solitude. ‘Why are you still single?” Over the past 15 years, I’ve fielded many variations of this question. I’m in my mid-30s and I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was 21. Even after a decade and a half, this question feels as if I’m being asked: “What’s wrong with you? Are you sure you’re trying hard enough?”.
![[A happy looking woman falling backwards onto a giant yellow flower.]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/1759e2ae487d78062f50c392b800344427bef9d1/0_0_5000_3000/master/5000.jpg?width=445&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
But being “single” isn’t quite the full story: I’ve been going on dates the entire time, observing the many seismic shifts in dating culture. Here are 15 things I’ve learned from 15 years of singlehood. Rather than feel as if I’m lacking in some way, that I’ve “left it too late”, or missed the boat entirely, I look at this era of being single with the knowledge that it’s played a pivotal role in shaping the person I am today. I have learned many lessons along the way, some of them hard-won as a result of heartbreak, others born out of deep late-night conversations with friends. Crucially, many pearls of wisdom have slowly revealed themselves over time – and I wouldn’t have got to this point without having gone on my own personal journey.
I’m “still” single because I haven’t yet found what I deserve. I am looking for someone who is emotionally available, who can meet my needs and whose needs I can meet, too. I want romance, friendship, shared private jokes, contagious laughter. I want a co-conspirator, someone to share secrets with, someone who knows (and loves) my flaws, someone who wants me to succeed, someone whose success I will rejoice in, whose wins I regard as my own. I don’t think what I’m looking for is unattainable, unrealistic or delusional. My brother and his wife are one such example – when we’re in our family home together, I can hear their laughter through the walls separating our bedrooms. My parents have been happily married for 40 years – they are each other’s best friends. I want what they have and I won’t settle for any less.
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