This is how we do it: ‘We don’t share the intimate details of the sex we have with other people’
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Lachlan and Agnes are in an ethical non-monogamous relationship but get frustrated when couples exploit the concept as a tool for bad behaviour. We let people know they can choose to date us as a couple or separately. I can’t do monogamous relationships – they’re simply not for me. I was married before I met Agnes, and the Disney princess approach put a lot of pressure on me – I was responsible for everything in both of our lives, including fixing my ex’s problems.
Agnes is independent and has a discerning view of the world. We’ve been together three years and crafted a framework that works for us. We have a joint dating profile and are explicit about our situation: we let people know they can choose to date us as a couple or separately. Our profile tells people everything they need to know: “Young at heart. Into going out and deep conversations”.
We’ve met people who do the open relationship format well. The best couples are the ones who laugh together and are transparent. But then we’ve met other couples who are jealous and immature. They seem to hide behind the “ethical non-monogamy” label and exploit it as a tool for bad behaviour. We went on a date with one guy who said he was interested in both of us, but it became apparent that he was really only interested in Agnes. We had to go through a week-long drama, trying to let him down gently.