We opened up our marriage, but now I feel abandoned
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The open relationship you and your wife agreed upon has taken a turn that’s destabilising your sense of connection. The question My wife and I have always had a vibrant sex life, often incorporating fantasies about others into our intimacy. This summer, we decided to open our relationship, using dating apps to meet others for casual encounters, which enhanced our sex life. Her first date was exciting and boosted our connection. I also had a few fun dates and we enjoyed sharing the stories. However, her second date became serious fast.
![[Philippa Perry]](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/uploads/2017/10/09/Philippa-Perry,-L.png?width=75&dpr=1&s=none&crop=none)
She is now deeply in love with him and they text or call constantly, even when we went away together to the hotel where we were married. Currently, she’s spending part of our holiday with him, staying at his house, planning to call him daily during our upcoming getaway.
She assures me she still loves me and wants to remain married, comparing it to loving two children equally. But I feel sidelined, like the person who shares the mortgage while she has all the fun with him. She’s happy, but I feel our relationship is suffering. She says my unhappiness at home makes her want to be with him more. I don’t want her to leave him, and I have no intention of leaving her. I believe she’s my forever person. How do I handle this?.
Philippa replies: The open relationship you and your wife agreed upon has taken a turn that seems to be destabilising your sense of connection, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling hurt and sidelined. The decision to open your relationship was part of a shared journey and, initially, it seemed to enhance your bond. However, the challenge now isn’t about the sex or even the jealousy, it’s about the emotional shift. Your wife’s relationship with this other man is no longer about sexual exploration or casual encounters; it’s about love and attachment. That changes the dynamic and your feelings of being displaced are real and valid.
