Voices: Why am I always attracted to emotionally unavailable people?
Share:
The Independent’s agony aunt Victoria Richards is here to help. Email dearvix@independent.co.uk for advice on love, work, family and relationships. Dear Vix,. I don’t seem to be able to stop myself being attracted to emotionally unavailable people. It’s starting to feel like a pattern. The thing is: I don’t know they’re not emotionally unavailable from the outset – if I did, I would avoid, avoid, avoid! So I don’t understand how I keep choosing the wrong people... or the same kinds of people.
This is what usually happens: I meet someone, we connect and there’s chemistry – so much so that it seems like we’re made for eachother. They seem really keen (at first) and we speak every day. The physical connection is great; we spend loads of time together and even start talking about the future... then BAM: three months in, they disappear. They start messaging less and making less effort; they stop planning dates and a week can go by without me hearing from them. Eventually, I stop messaging too to protect myself and it just fizzles out.
It’s really depressing – and disheartening. But I can’t help but notice the common denominator: me. So why – and how – do I keep doing this? And (more importantly): how do I stop?. Despairing at Myself. Dear Despairing,. It sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself – which might entirely be the problem. When we first meet someone, it’s almost impossible to be ‘neutral’. We go in to every new date with a whole load of baggage, fears and expectation. The older we get, the more this grows – and so do our ideas about who we are and what we are looking for.
