Coming out is never easy, but for some, it means walking away from a life they’ve spent years building. This week we hear from a reader who, after years of struggling with his identity, has finally embraced his sexuality and moved to a new city, leaving his long-term partner and fiancee behind.
While he has no regrets about starting over, he’s facing a difficult challenge – finding the right way to explain it to those closest to him. With his grandparents as his only real family, he worries that they won’t accept him for who he is. Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to read last week’s column about a woman who, while pregnant with another man’s baby, can’t stop thinking about her ex.
Last September I broke up with my girlfriend of seven years, which shocked everyone who knew us. We were due to get married this summer but I just knew it wasn’t right, so I ended it. My ex is devastated and bewildered, and no one can understand what’s come over me.
I’ve retreated from everyone close to me because I don’t want to explain what the problem is – that I’m gay, and I’ve struggled with this for a long time. I really wanted to be straight, but a friend of mine who knows all my secrets told me I only have one life and I have to be true to myself. I decided it was good advice, so I’ve stopped pretending.
I’ve never known my father and because my mother had alcohol issues and couldn’t look after me, I was brought up by my grandparents. I absolutely adore them and owe them everything, but the fact that they are that bit older means they have wildly different views to me on lots of subjects.
Because of all the drama caused by the split from my fiancée, I moved away to a big city where I’ve made a small circle of friends who accept me as I am. Although I haven’t met anyone I want to be serious with, I’ve been able to explore my sexuality in a way that I never have before, and there’s no doubt that being with another guy is exactly what I need.
With thousands of members from all over the world, our vibrant LGBTQ+ WhatsApp channel is a hub for all the latest news and important issues that face the LGBTQ+ community. Simply click on this link, select ‘Join Chat’ and you’re in! Don't forget to turn on notifications!.
I know it’s ridiculous that in 2025 I’m still nervous about coming out, but I’ve always tried to be the person my grandparents want me to be and this feels like letting them down. No one bats an eyelid about my sexuality where I live now, but I feel sad at the thought of becoming estranged from the people I love the most.
I get many emails from people in your situation, and I always promise one thing – you are not letting anyone down by being gay. On the contrary, what will devastate your grandparents most, will be this cooling in your relationship with them. You mean a lot to them, as they clearly do to you, so please make reconnecting with them a priority.
Although you feel terrified that they might be disappointed in you, I think you’re probably underestimating them. Being gay is such an everyday part of our society now that they’ve had years to get used to the idea that some people are same sex attracted.
Yes, they might be surprised by your news, but even if it takes them a while to adjust, they love you and will almost certainly just want you to be happy. If you’re struggling with similar issues, support is available. You can reach out to the following organisations:.
Stonewall – Resources, advocacy, and support for LGBTQ+ rights. Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline – For free onfidential listening and advice (0300 330 0630). MindOut – Mental health support for LGBTQ+ individuals (0300 7729855). Galop – Support for LGBTQ+ people facing abuse, violence, or hate crime. (0800 999 5428).
Mermaids – Help for trans, non-binary, and gender-diverse young people and their families (0808 801 0400). They won’t be here forever, so arrange a visit and be honest with them. Living authentically is important, but so is staying close to the people you love.
In the event that your grandparents don’t take the conversation well, I think you should seek out a good therapist. Talking to a professional will help you unravel your complex feelings. You may also have some other unresolved issues because of difficulties in your childhood.
Whatever happens, the new friends you’ve made, who can relate to your experience, will be there for you. Meanwhile, check out support groups in your area – just google what’s available. Laura is a counsellor and columnist. Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
Do you have a story to share?. Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk. Arrow MORE: My ‘revolutionary’ trans relationship showed me I’m worthy of love. Arrow MORE: ‘I work for an LGBTQ+ domestic violence hotline – I feel guilty I can’t fix everything’.
