This is how we do it: ‘We make videos of ourselves having sex, to watch when we’re apart’
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Amara and Mateo’s sex life was fun first time round, in their 20s. Now it has to be scheduled around childcare and the families they have left. How do you do it? Share the story of your sex life, anonymously. The practicalities of making things work are certainly not easy, but I have no regrets.
Mateo and I are divorcees with children from previous marriages, so our sex life requires careful scheduling. I am “bird-nesting” with my ex-husband: our children remain in the family home and we take turns living with them. In my child-free time, I live in the flat I share with Mateo. I think of those days in the flat as “sex days”.
Mateo and I have been together for two years, but we have a long history. We were together in our 20s and reconnected after bumping into one another in Spain on holiday. We began an affair, which ended our marriages. His kids don’t want to meet me, which I hope will change. Mateo often feels very down about his divorce and the situation with his children, but we are able to soothe one another.
We take turns playing the dominant role in bed. The one who is feeling more in need of being taken care of will say, “Do you want to play with me?”, and the other will take full control. The one being played with will put on a sleeping mask, which opens up the senses.
It’s a world away from my relationship with my ex. I would try to initiate sex, but he would turn down my advances. I often fell asleep crying. I tried to tell him I wanted more affection, but he wouldn’t even hold my hand. He never gave me an answer as to why he couldn’t give that to me. Looking back, I got together with him because I wanted children, but I never really felt loved by him.
